Holiday Time
It’s been five days since the Fourth of July and I still seem to be stuck on holiday time. Not sure why. Maybe there’s a tear in the time-space continuum and any minute now, the starship Enterprise will show up, save the universe, and take me back to real time.
Even though the Fourth was only a three-day holiday this year, I feel like I learned a lot. For instance:
Ready to Retire
Some people love their jobs and would be sad when they retire. Not me. When I retire, I’ll be on cloud 9.2. I don’t hate my job, but I don’t love it either. It’s just a means to an end (ie - buying toys for the little monsters). I wouldn’t mind being on holiday for the rest of my life. I’m not lazy. I just don’t enjoy trying to balance work and family life.Boring Fireworks
After seeing the fireworks show at Disneyland, watching fireworks in our area is a bit disappointing. We didn’t even have a soundtrack like they did at Disneyland. And driving back home was like driving in smog or fog. Way too much smoke.No Wait at Olive Garden
The weirdo-in-law took us to Olive Garden. Apparently, you can get a table right away on the Fourth for lunch. There was hardly anyone there. The long wait at Olive Garden is the main reason why we have not eaten there in a couple of years. When you have kids, waiting is like torture. Kinda takes the fun out of eating out.Speedo
I saw the US swim trials on TV over the weekend and finally saw the new Speedo suits. Sorry ladies, you can’t gawk at men in a skimpy Speedo anymore. The new swim suit looks like a woman’s swim suit. The new Speedo covers almost the entire body and they even have shoulder straps. The things guys do to get an edge.Kids Workshop
We finally made it to the kids workshop at Home Depot this year. Spiderboy and the Little Monkey each built a pirate ship and the Little Princess made a tray. Now for the problem. We have accumulated many, many Home Depot kids projects over the years. Most of them are piling up in our garage. We don’t really want to throw them away, but we’re running out of space. What to do, what to do.
Someday the Little Princess will serve us breakfast in bed with that tray.
Pay no attention to the mad woman next to her.
A Pool is a Kid’s Best Friend
Sometimes you can never win as a dad. You do something fun like take the kids to Disneyland. Then you discover one of their favorite parts of the trip was swimming in the hotel pool. And that’s when you realize you’re spending a zillion dollars so the kids can go swimming. Then you get a glimpse of the future. A future where you foot the tuition to medical school and the kids end up frying burgers for a living. For goodness sake, the pool didn’t even have a slide, cool water sprays, or scantily clad women. It was just a plain, medium size, swimming pool.
But you know what? I can’t really blame the kids. Because of incredible good luck, we arrive at Disneyland just in time for a heat wave (Portland was in the 60’s when we left — a 40 degrees swing). The kids loved the Disney rides, but the rides only last a few minutes and you have to wait 30 minutes to an hour for most of the good rides. For ten rides, that comes out to 36,000 seconds in the blistering sun while your kids’ brain turns to goo. It was so hot, steam was coming out of their ears. OK, I made that part up, but it was super nova hot. Even a dorky dad like me can see why the kids wanted to go swimming.
Apparently, the heat wave followed us home (yeah, more incredible good luck). It was 101 degrees on Saturday. Perfect time to setup our pool and cool off. My guess is that our kids will have as much fun with our pool as they did at Disneyland. Even better, our pool will provide fun for several more summers and the pool only cost $25 (purchased on clearance last Fall — thank you Target). So there you have it, Daddy’s Law #689 — a pool is a kid’s best friend.
Anyone want to join me?
Princess-powered boat.
Anyone see my red underwear?
The Magic Kindgom
Last week, we took the kids on a three-day trip to Disneyland. The week before, we told them the zoo trip was their birthday present (are they gullible or what?). Boy were they surprised when we flew them in our zillion-dollar Learjet to Disneyland. Speaking of planes, has anyone noticed the wings block the view out the window. Can’t someone design a plane without wings? How hard can that be?
The Disney trip was partially subsidized by our economic stimulus check. Normally, I would have just saved the money for a rainy day (literally - we have four roof/gutter leaks to repair!). But life is too short. I decided I should take the family on a fun vacation this year. You know, before the kids grow up and hate me for never taking them to Disneyland.
This was the first time our kids have been on an airplane. The first time all five of us have been on a vacation together. And the kids’ first trip to Disneyland (it’s also the first time my wife and I have been to the Magic Kingdom in ten years). Disneyland was very fun and very tiring. I’m still trying to recover. The last couple of days, I felt like I was doing everything in slow motion.
Disneyland Favorites
- Little Princess - Haunted Mansion
- Spiderboy - Splash Mountain and Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters
- Little Monkey - playing in the water fountains
- Mommy Forever - shopping
- Daddy Forever - air-conditioned rides with short lines
Disneyland Photos
Little Princess and Spiderboy join The Incredibles.
Cooling off in the pool.
My son literally drove me crazy on the Autopia ride.
Spiderboy and dad saving the Galactic Alliance. Lookout Zurg!
The Big Surprise
We finally got back from the big surprise. Pardon me while I recuperate, deal with several thousands emails, and catch up on work.
Three for One Special
Friday was the big day. No, I’m not talking about the last day of school or the release of The Incredible Hulk at a theater near you. Friday was the big birthday. As some of you know, my wife and two oldest kids were all born on June 13th. Three birthdays in one day. The Little Princess turned eight, Spiderboy turned five, and my wife still claims to be twenty something.
Normally my wife becomes insane, spends a million dollars, and throws a big birthday party. But this year she only spent half a million dollars and skipped the big party. Apparently, there’s a law prohibiting birthday parties on Friday the Thirteenth. Failure to obey the Friday the Thirteenth law will cause kids to act like demons. Right. Like my kids don’t already terrorize me every second of the day.
Instead of a big party, we took the kids to the zoo, then out to dinner, and finally back home for ice cream cake from Cold Stone Creamery. If it was up to me, I would have skipped directly to the ice cream cake. Yum. We actually have another surprise for the kids later this month (more on this later). The kids will flip when they find out. I’m excited too and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep the surprise a secret. If I wasn’t scared of my wife, I would have already told the kids.
Spiderboy turns five
He’s five, but he still looks goofy
Most zoos have real animals like lions, tigers, and panda bears. But not our zoo. Our zoo is filled with man-eating dinosaurs. Why have real animals when you can have robotic creatures? The T-Rex scared the Little Monkey big time. The T-Rex was very menacing when it opened its mouth, flashed its fangs, and roared like the T-Rex in the Jurassic Park movies. There must have been a bass speaker somewhere because you could feel it roaring. Very impressive. That’s why I’m going to the animal shelter and adopt my very own T-Rex. And I’m going to name it Tweety.
This is the T-Rex that scared our Little Monkey
What happened to the “Don’t Feed the Animals” sign?
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