(YouTube: Evian Roller Babies Video)

The Evian Roller Babies Interview is also humorous (but not as funny as the previous video — you might want to adjust the volume, it's also louder):

(YouTube: Evian Roller Babies Interview Video)

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About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him – which I assumed was wildly out of his control – that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon's hilarious send-up of Twilight. Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events (Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch and then Edwart saves her from a flying snowball) Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive? Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.

Boy was Mommy Forever pissed off. Some mommies just have no sense of humor. The Little Princess and I actually read Nightlight. It was so-so. At times it was funny, but most of the humor went over my daughter's head (she's only nine and doesn't even know what a U-Haul is – Belle Goose's truck in Nightlight).

There's another Twilight parody at Amazon, but I couldn't find it at the library: TwiLite: A Parody by Stephen Jenner ($11.65).

Love between a teenage girl and a vampire can be a beautiful thing. Then again, it can get a little ugly. Just ask Stella Crow. Stella is a clumsy but otherwise ordinary girl whose life takes a radical turn the moment she meets Edweird. Though perfect on the outside, Edweird Sullen is remarkably unrefined on the inside. He also happens to be a one hundred year old vampire, trapped in the body of a teenage boy, who has yet to finish high school. Nonetheless, Stella is unconditionally smitten with him. But not everything is rosy in this gloomiest of towns. Edweird's enemies have sworn to put a tragic end to their romance. Against all odds, the bond between Stella and Edweird is nearly strong enough for their love to survive. Most love stories between an impossibly handsome vampire and an ungainly young woman have a magical ending. This one — not so much.

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Did you hear? The Walt Disney Company bought Marvel for about $4 billion. Under the deal, Disney will acquire ownership of Marvel — including over 5,000 Marvel characters (Spiderman, Iron Man, X-Men, Hulk, Fantastic Four, Doctor Strange, Elektra, Avengers, Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Thor, Punisher, Blade, Black Panther, etc). And according to a secret document obtained by the ultimate dad blogger (that would me according to Google), Disney is planning to merge the Marvel and Disney universes together. The following are some of the changes that are in the works:

• Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs will feature mutant dwarfs with special powers. The new title will be called Snow White and the Seven Naughty X-Men.

• In the sequel to A Bug's Life, Flik will take on vampires. The movie will be titled A Blade's Life.

• The next installment of The Chronicles of Narnia will include a powerful sorcerer. The movie will be called The Chronicles of Doctor Strange.

• The soon to be released Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure has been changed to Tinker Bell and the Lost Elektra.

• Pirates of the Caribbean will spin-off a movie that features a team of muscular men and volucious women in colorful tights and capes. The movie will be called Avengers of the Caribbean.

• The classic, Fantasia, will be combined with the Fantastic Four series. The next FF4 movie will be called The Fantasia Four.

• The Lady and the Tramp is going green and will be called Lady and the Hulk.

• The fourth Spiderman movie will be combined with The Hunchback of Notre Dame. The title of the new movie will be called The Spiderman of Notre Dame.

• The second Iron Man movie will tie in with The Little Mermaid series. The working title is The Little Iron Man.

• The Man Without Fear will join the cast of the Baby Einstein series. The next DVD will be called Baby Daredevil.

• The sequel to Finding Nemo will feature an avenging fire fish. The movie will be called Finding Ghost Rider.

• The fourth installment of Toy Story will feature the god of thunder. The movie is titled Thor Story.

• Beauty and the Beast will take a stand against crime. The next movie will be called Beauty and the Punisher.

• Mowgli, the man cub, grows up in the The Jungle Book and becomes the ruler of the Wakanda. The movie will be called The Black Panther Book.

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Little boat with little guns

So why's the Coast Guard boat guarding the Navy battleship?

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• Things will not change over night. Sometimes, things may even get worst before they get better. So don't be surprise if Oregon State loses more basketball games this year than last year.

• Expect another bailout. The OSU basketball program has not been the same since the legendary Ralph Miller retired almost two decades ago. In order to turn things around, Oregon State will need bailout money to upgrade their facilities and to buy the best recruits they can.

• The United States of America will now be called Beaver Nation.

• The eagle in the Great Seal of the United States will be replaced with a beaver. Hence forth, it will be called the Great Seal of Beaver Nation.

• America will have new colors. Bye-bye red, white, and blue. Hello orange and black.

• You can expect every Oregon State basketball game to be televised. Now you too can watch the Beavers lose.

• The State of Union Beaver Nation address will be devoted entirely to Oregon State University.

On another note, there is a rumor about Sarah Palin becoming the next coach of the Oregon State's women basketball team.

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It's just a game! You would think if someone killed someone virtually, then the police could just virtually arrest her. Plus it's also partly his fault for giving the woman his login info. Who in their right mind gives out their login id and password to someone they never met?

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This time, my wife is the butt of the Little Princess' prank:

Question: Is it possible to pass my sense of humor through my DNA? Or is the Little Princess just naturally gifted?

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It's very rare for a presidential candidate to campaign in Oregon during the primaries. In fact, the last time it happened, George Washington was running for president. Candidates don't like to campaign in Oregon for a couple reasons. First, our state is so small that we have only half a delegate to offer. The other reason is because we hold our primary very late in the year — usually the day after the presidential election in November. And we do that for a good reason. We Oregonians lack good judgement and we couldn't live with ourselves if we screwed up the primaries for the rest of the country.

It's true. Oregonians make bad decisions. Here are a few examples. First, there's Tonya Harding, the Olympic ice skater. She thought she could win the gold medal by breaking Nancy Kerrigan's leg. There's also Monica Lewinsky. She isn't a real Oregonian, but she did graduate from a college in the Portland area. She was obviously infected with our bad judgement disease when she gave President Clinton x-rated benefits.

Then there's the Portland Trail Blazers, our professional basketball team. Most of you have heard of Michael Jordan, but how many of you have heard of Sam Bowie? Bowie was the player the Blazers selected instead Jordan. Jordan became a superstar while Bowie missed two seasons because he broke his leg. Bowie also missed two entire seasons in college for a similar injury. See, not bad luck. Just poor decision making by Oregonians.

Have I mentioned that Oregonians also voted for the loser in the last two presidential elections? We just can't get anything right. Don't trust us.

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(1) boobs are in my butt and fart is in my boobs.

(2) boobs are in my butt.

(3) fffffffffaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttt

(4) fart on me.

I found those comments in my spam filter. I usually find them annoying, but I have to admit, I did laugh a little this time. Apparently, some of my readers are still in grade school.

In other news, the Little Monkey has been calling her older sister, Boo-Boo. I have no idea why. The Little Monkey makes these adorable faces when she say things like: "I want my daddy." "Don't call me little monkey." "I'm not cute." "I thought you were mad at me."

The Little Monkey says the cutest things. But it's my son that cracks me up:

I'm warning you, mommy. Don't kiss me again. (my favorite)

I don't want to eat lunch. It's nasty.

Do you want a knuckle sandwich? (my bad)

[Spiderboy to Little Monkey] You're too noisy. I'm going to have to eat you.

[Spiderboy to a sales clerk] Talk to the hand! (ooops, me again)

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(1) I've been to a Go-Go concert.

(2) I grope my wife inappropriately
(3) …all the time
(4) …even in public.

(5) I learned to grope from my son
(6) …he likes to stick his hand underneath my shirt and play with my chest.

(7) I named my wife's breasts
(8) …I call the left breast "Har Gau"
(9) …the right one is "Shu Mai"

(10) When I'm sick in bed, I pretend I'm in a Jedi healing trance.

(11) Some guys are babe magnets, I happen to be a bug magnet. Killer bees, blood sucking mosquitoes, and various man-eating bugs are attracted to me.

(12) I've only purchased five pairs of shoes in the past ten years
(13) …I still wear all of them, but not all at the same time.

(14) I walked into the window display at a mall once
(15) …the impact was very loud and everyone was staring at me.

I'm suppose to tag five people now, but I'm not going to because I always seem to tag people who either have been tagged or don't want to be tagged. If you want to play along, let me know in the comments area and I'll stop by your blog to read about your 15 weird things.

BTW, I have moved my sites over to the new server. I think I got most of the problems worked out, but if you find a broken image or see something strange, feel free to let me know via the contact form.

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From the movie trailers, it looks like a variation of Venom will be in the movie. If I was going to be a villain, that's who I would want to be: Venom. Look at him. He's one scary dude. Even his tongue creeps me out. Give him Viagra and Venom could club someone with that tongue. What a wonderful role model for my son.

Now check out another of Spiderboy's toy. It's the Green Goblin. I know, he doesn't look like the Green Goblin from the movies. He's the Green Goblin from the comic books. Look at him. He's wearing elf shoes and hat, ballet clothes, and a man purse. A MAN PURSE. Are we really suppose to be afraid of him? Lookout, there's a mutant ballerina with a man purse! Run for your lives! Give him a tutu and his costume would be complete.

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Wait, there's more. My wife ordered dinner and I went to pick it up at Chili's. I waited five minutes for someone to help me because no one was at the to-go counter. Then I had to wait another 15-20 minutes because they messed up our order. When I got home, my wife discovered they forgot the kids' corn and my veggie burger was burnt. Mmmmmm. Yummy. I love burnt food.

Needless to say, we don't plan on eating at Chili's anymore. But as bad as dinner was, at least our car was not crushed and melted.

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For what La Mer charged for their products, I expected a beefcake to personally deliver the gift to Mommy Forever. Then said beefcake would whisk my wife off to the mall for an all-expense paid shopping spree. Naturally, since I don't want to lose my wife to said beefcake, I would want to select the beefcake myself. Someone with a really big potbelly, no hair, no front teeth, three eyes, and no personality.

I don't get it. Why are beauty products so expensive? Personally, I don't think my wife needs fancy creme and lotion. She's already pretty (and it's not because of the fancy creme and lotion). And even if Mommy Forever isn't pretty, so what? Inner beauty is more important, right? So, why would I give my wife fancy creme and lotion? Because that's what she wanted. I know this because Mommy Forever wrote it on a piece of paper. She wasn't leaving anything to chance.

Now, more importantly, why am I blogging about this? The answer is simple; I'm going to be in big trouble when Mommy Forever finds out that my last post was mentioned in Blogging Baby. You know, the one where I mentioned my wife had a sex change operation when she didn't actually have one.

This is the type of humor that drives my wife crazy. I'll say things and people have no idea I'm just kidding. For instance, when we were dating, the future Mommy Forever asked me how did I get so smart (I fooled her with my engineering books in my bookcase). I told her I had 200 brains. She looked at me to see if I was kidding. I maintained my serious Mr. Spock face. Then the future Mommy Forever studied my head and asked, "How do they all fit in there?" "They're really small." "Oh." Sometimes, my wife even tells other people things I have said (like my 200 brains), only to discover that I was pulling her leg. That's the evil brand of humor I was talking about in my last post…it gets me in trouble a lot.

Note to my wife: I'm sorry there's a bunch of people who think you had a sex change operation. And I'm sorry you rank fourth for "sex change operation before Christmas" in Google. Just remember, you got a really nice Christmas present. If you let me live, there's more where that came from.

Note to my regular readers: If you don't hear from me for a week, you should call the police. Tell them to search the backyard and crawlspace. It was nice knowing you. Goodbye.

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That's right, I'm writing to you this year. Writing to Santa is a waste of time because I have not been nice. Just last week I ate part of my wife's candy bar. She came back into the room, looked at the candy bar, and asked me, "Did you eat some of my candy?" I gave her one of those have you been sniffing the Diaper Genie again? look and said, "No." That's right, I lied. Then I made her feel guilty by saying, "Even if I did, does it really matter? I bought you three candy bars." See, I have not been nice.

As for being naughty, take a look at the card I gave my wife:

Naturally, since I am very naughty, all the coupons looked like this:

Now that I have established that I have not been nice and have been very naughty, here is what I want for Christmas: I would like my son to return from the Dark Side. Unlike me, I can still sense some good in him. I know you don't normally do good things, but since I have not been nice and have been very naughty this year, I thought you might make an exception. These are some of the things I would like changed:

1) My son is not allowed to call mommy, "Dickhead." I know he doesn't know what he is saying…just repeating what Kitty called Juggernaut in X-Men 3. And to be honest, Juggernaut does look like one with his helmet on, but enough is enough. My son is no longer allowed to watch X-Men 3 and the rest is up to you. My wife We don't find this the least bit funny.

2) Telling mommy she has a big butt also has to stop. I know, to a little kid, all adults have a big butt. But for some reason, my wife just doesn't like anyone referring to her butt as big.

3) No more locking mommy out. Whenever my wife steps out to check the mail, Spiderboy locks the door on her. Now that it's winter and he's also locking me out, this has to stop.

4) When things don't go my son's way, he likes to tell mommy she is bad and tells her to get out of the house. This has to stop. I can't afford to hire a baby sitter or housekeeper if my son kicks my wife out.

5) About the waking up at 5am thing. That's no good. A lot of nights, I goof off work until 1am or later. Waking up at 5am just doesn't work for me. I need my beauty sleep…and you know I need it. Please make my son sleep until 7am noon 5pm.

This list goes on and on. You know what I want changed. If you don't do these things, I will have no choice but to be nice next year and take my business to Santa Claus.

Not Sincerely,
Daddy Forever

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Look what I saw on the news yesterday. That's right, a bra that can be converted into a grocery bag. Am I missing something here? A woman is suppose to buy groceries, take off her bra, and then put her groceries in the bra bag?

Another question, can you still use the express checkout line? The bag is small for a grocery bag so you can't buy much. But if all the other customers have to wait for you to take off your bra, then the line is no longer an express line, is it? Not to mention the slow down caused by all the men gawking, except for me of course — I'm a married man!

I can't wait until they roll out the underpants version for men…wait, putting your fruits and your produce in your underwear is probably not a good idea.

What does this have to with parenting? Nothing other than the bra can be used as a diaper bag too. I wonder if I have any clothes that will match a flaming red diaper bag.

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Blame Your Kid
I normally hate taking my kids to restaurants, but when you have to let out a stinky one, there's nothing better than having a kid close by to blame. This technique works best with young kids – the younger the better. Warning: do NOT attempt this with teenagers. They may act stupid, but they are not stupid. As far as they are concern, it's payback time for all those times you embarrassed them.

Spread the Fart Love
If kids are not an option, then walk around to spread your fart around. It's best if you keep moving so people can't trace it to you.

Fart Buddy
Another technique is to use a fart buddy. Arrange a special code word with your buddy. When you need to fart, utter the code word to your fart buddy. The code word is his cue to divert attention from you so you can fart and run.

Fartmail
If you are at a restaurant and you fart bombed the waitress, quickly utter these two words, "big tip." This is also known as fartmail. Failure to offer fartmail will result in your food being fart bombed in the kitchen. It won't kill you, but do you really want to eat something that was just farted on?

Blame the Annoying Guy
There's always an annoying guy around. He could be your boss or one of your in-laws. Sometimes when I need to fart, I sneak up behind the annoying guy and let out a really stinky one. Then I make a stinky face to the people around me and point at the annoying guy.

Audible
A whoopee cushion can come in handy if your silencer isn't working and your body emits an audible. When that happens, just pull out a small whoopee cushion from your pocket and pretend you were just goofing around.

That wraps up the fart guide. Good luck and may you fart in peace.

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As I was picking up the Buzz clothes, a question popped into my mind, "Can these bear clothes fit a baby?" Toddler K is no longer a baby, but I thought she might be able to fit in the bear's clothes. And since Mommy Forever wasn't home, I gave it a try (like my wife would let me do such a thing if she was around). As you can see in the photographs, the shirt and pants were too short but they did fit. I didn't even try the hat. It was obvious to me it wouldn't fit.

Toddler K is thirteen and a half months old, weights about 20 pounds, and is about 2' 7" tall. My guess is that the Buzz outfit would fit a newborn up to 3 months without looking like he's wearing short pants and has a beer belly. My thinking is that if you have a few Build-A-Bear outfits around the house, they could be turned into Halloween costumes for babies. Obviously some Build-A-Bear outfits will work better than others and the smaller the baby, the better the fit.

No, there's nothing wrong with me. This is just the way I am. That's why I should never be left alone at home with the kids.

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(1) A ProBlogger like Darren Rowse can post several times a day. A baby can post several times an hour. Stinky!!!

(2) Disabling comments will not stop a baby from crying.

(3) There's no plugin to change your baby's diaper.

(4) You can't monetize your baby with Adsense. I tried. No clicks so far.

(5) Getting pinged for a blog post is good, but bad when you are changing baby's diaper. Don't get too close!

(6) You can't use RSS feeds to feed your baby. Atom does not work either.

(7) Diapers, formula, and baby clothes are not open source. <ouch> $$$$ </ouch>

(8) Jensense makes sense out of Adsense, but children lack common sense and babies speak in non-sense.

(9) Viral is good for bloggers, but not for babies.

(10) If you have a good blog, you will develop a community of loyal readers. But no matter how good a parent you are, your baby will eventually grow up and leave the nest. Enjoy them while you can.

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