• Property of the Year
  Bakugan by Cartoon Network
  This isn't a surprise to moms and dads of boys. All the boys in our area are into Bakugan. BTW, yesterday Spin Master announced the new Bakugan Season 3: Gundalian Invaders toy line.
• Innovative Toy of the Year
  Zhu Zhu Pets by Cepia
  According to the media, Zhu Zhu Pets were the must of have toys for Christmas last year.
• Educational Toy of the Year
  Mindstorms NXT 2.0 by LEGO Systems
  How can you go wrong with Lego and robots? In my opinion, Lego Mindstorms NXT 2.0 is the perfect toy for geek dads and geeky children. Warning, the list price is $280.
• Electronic Entertainment Toy of the Year
  Rubik's TouchCube by Techno Source
  Maybe it's just me, but I think a list price of $150 ($65 at Amazon) for a Rubik's Cube is ridiculous. What's wrong with the old mechanical Rubik's Cube?
• Boy Toy of the Year
  Bakugan 7-in-1 Maxus Dragonoid by Spin Master
  My son got a Bakugan 7-in-1 Maxus Dragonoid for Christmas. With a list price of $40 ($34 at Amazon), this geek dad thinks the toy is overpriced for what you get. My son, however, doesn't agree with me. He thinks the toy is so cool.
• Girl Toy of the Year
  Zhu Zhu Pets by Cepia
  Looks like Zhu Zhu Pets won two awards. Anyone have an opinion about Zhu Zhu Pets?
• Infant Toy of the Year
  Crayola Beginnings Color Me a Song by Crayola
  With this toy, toddlers can create original music by scribbling. Sounds like a cute toy for our one year old.
• Preschool Toys of the Year
  Tonka Chuck & Friends Chuck My Talking Truck by Playskool
  Bilibo by Active People
  A talking truck sounds more fun than a non-talking one, but otherwise I'm not sure what's so special about the toy truck. I don't understand the Bilibo toy, but the open-ended toy has won several awards.
• Activity Toy of the Year
  Crayon Town by Wild Planet Entertainment
  Crayon Town combines the fun of coloring with real 3-D play. I think my kids would like Crayon Town.
• Game of the Year
  Sort It Out! by University Games
  A family card game that involves sorting items. My nine year old would probably like this game.
• Outdoor Toy of the Year
  My 1st Scooter by Radio Flyer
  Most kids like scooters and this one looks kinda cool.
• Specialty Toy of the Year
  Captain Owen's Dolphin Explorer Boat by Sprig Toys
  Looks like the toys were designed for pretend play. The set kinda reminds me of the superhero action figures my kids play with it. Except the dolphins probably don't have any special powers.

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This week on my dad blog, I have three short news stories that may be of interest to dads and moms:

Read Across America at Walmart
Walmart.com is running a month-long promotion on children books as part of Read Across America Day and Dr. Seuss's birthday. Dads and moms can save up to 40% on the top 500 children's books. Parents can purchase children books for as low as $3 (including free shipping). According to various studies, by the age of two, children who are read to regularly display greater language comprehension, larger vocabularies, and higher cognitive skills. The Early Childhood Longitudinal Study found that children who were read to at least three times a week by a family member were almost twice as likely to score in the top 25 percent in reading.

Alice in Wonderland Video Game
Disney Interactive Studios released a new video game, Alice in Wonderland (anyone see the new movie yet?), for Wii, Nintendo DS, and Microsoft Windows. In the videogame, Alice and friends embark on a journey to save Underland, which has been taken over by the Red Queen's army. Players explore multiple environments, including the Mushroom Forest and the Red Queen's castle filled with strange doors, passageways, false perspectives, and objects that come to life to enhance the journey. It's rated Everyone 10+. The list price is $40 for the Wii, $30 for the Nintendo DS, and $20 for Windows. The kids and I have not tried the game, so I don't know if it's any good. Leave a comment if you have played the game.

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I didn't have time to write anything other than giveaway posts on my dad blog this week, so here are three short blurbs about a few sites I took a quick look at. Hopefully I'll have more time for longer reviews on my blog in the near future.

Healthy Child Healthy World
Healthy Child Healthy World is a nonprofit organization. Healthy Child educates dads and moms, supports protective policies, and engages communities to make responsible decisions, simple everyday choices, and well-informed lifestyle improvements to create healthy environments where children and families can flourish. According to Healthy Child Healthy World, over 125 million Americans, especially children, face chronic disease and illness such as cancer, autism, asthma, birth defects, ADD / ADHD, and learning and developmental disabilities. Evidence suggests environmental hazards and household chemicals are causing and contributing to many of these diseases.

Craftzine
If you're looking for arts and crafts ideas, take a look at Craftzine. They offer projects with clear instructions and helpful photos:

• Fresh, imaginative content
  New, original unique content offered daily, ranging from clear, detailed how-tos to interviews and book reviews, profiles of innovative crafters, free patterns, and more. Moms, dads, and kids get access to a wide variety of projects, from knitting to crochet, cooking to home décor, crafts for kids, pet projects, sewing, photography, paper crafts, electronic arts, and crafting with smart materials, like conductive thread.

• Make interactive connections
  Step-by-step how-to videos, weekly podcasts, forums and search enable dads, moms, and kids to bring their project to life and connect with the community for techniques, help, and feedback.

• Save a buck
  In the midst of a precarious economy where parents all cutting back and pinching proverbial pennies, CRAFT offers moms and dads smart, savvy solutions to re-imagine and re-invent old treasures. Recreate old indulgences on a dime, from luxe DIY spa treatments to fixing that delicious dish savored at the haute eatery.

Ponoko
Ponoko is a website where creators, digital fabricators, materials suppliers, and buyers meet to make practically anything. Ponoko hosts thousands of user generated product designs, ready to be customized and made into real things with the click of a mouse. With Ponoko, product designs can be priced instantly online. It is a green alternative and reduces warehousing and wastage because products are made locally (as close to the point of consumption as possible).

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• Children exposed to more spoken words earlier in life demonstrate richer vocabulary and early acquisition of literacy skills
• Learning climate of the home positively impacts children's school readiness and language skills
• The positive way parents interact with their children in the home helps children's literacy development

The NCFL's goal is to use the power of the family to promote a culture of learning.

Explore the Literacy House

I Love to Read Month
February is I Love to Read Month. And thanks to Box Tops for Education, dads and moms can purchase Barnes & Noble books for their kids and earn cash back for schools. Six percent of every purchase made in the Reading Room is donated to your kid's school. During the month of February, moms and dads can earn 10 Bonus Box Tops for orders over $40 and 25 Bonus Box Tops for orders over $60. While you are on the Box Tops for Education, be sure to check to see if your kids' teachers have all the items they need for their classrooms (via My Class Essentials).

The Fresh Air Fund Seeking Host Families
The Fresh Air Fund is seeking host families for this summer. Last year, The Fresh Air Fund's Volunteer Host Family program (Friendly Town) gave close to 5,000 New York City boys and girls (ages six to 18) free summer experiences in the country and the suburbs. Volunteer host families shared their friendship and homes in 13 Northeastern states from Virginia to Maine and Canada. Thanks to host families who open up their homes for a few weeks each summer, children growing up in New York City's toughest neighborhoods have enjoyed the Fresh Air experience.

Firefly Night
Firefly Night is a new iPhone game app with two modes. In gameplay mode, FireFly Night is a drag and drop color matching game with 40 levels for dads and moms. In Numbers mode, FireFly Night lets dads, moms, and kids create numbers out of the collections in the color jars. Price: 99 cents.

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Even Firefighters Go to the Potty
As the title suggests, this kids book is about going to the potty. I don't have a copy of Even Firefighters Go to the Potty: A Potty Training Lift-the-Flap Story ($7.99), but here's a description from Amazon:

Toddlers are uneasy about toilet training. And in most cases, even if they know they have to go, sometimes they are too busy to bother. In this hilarious gate-fold story, each person — from a firefighter on the way to answer a fire alarm to a zoo keeper on the way to feed the polar bears — stops what they are doing to go to the potty. With humor and no pedantics, toddlers learn that everybody uses the potty.

The Firefighters Potty book was written by Wendy Wax.

Coal Train Railroad
The Coal Train Railroad CD ($6.99) is a collection of jazz songs created just for kids, but parents will want to listen too. Coal Train was created by Nashville musicians Katy Bowser and Chris Donohue (Emmylou Harris, Collective Soul) to celebrate jazz and kids. Below are the songs in the album (you can download songs individually on Amazon):

• All Aboard
• My Mouth and Me
• Bellybutton Stays the Same
• Snuggling Suits Me Just Fine
• It's Hard to Listen
• I Need A Nap
• Just the Juice, Jack
• What's Mine Is Yours
• Coal Train

More info: Coal Train Railroad

Little Pim Word Bag
This is an Apple iPhone application designed for children ages 1-4. Little Pim Word Bag, developed by Animax, is an interactive word game featuring Little Pim the panda. The game uses artwork, music, and sound effects to teach children 27 everyday vocabulary words in a second language – French or Spanish (shouldn't the panda be able to speak Chinese?). "Word Bag" costs $1.99 to download and can be used on both an iPhone and an iPod (I'm the only dad without an iPhone, iPod, iPad, or iPotty). This application is the newest product in the Little Pim line, which includes DVDs, flash cards, and CDs.

More info: Little Pim

Sweety High
Sweety High is a social media website for tween girls. It will launch publicly on February 1, 2010. Tween girls will be offered the ability to socialize on their "Lockers," watch and generate original videos on "Sweety Tube," manage their music on "Sweety Tunes," create yearbooks, start fan clubs, craft dedications, take quizzes, and other girly stuff. Although Sweety High is aimed at girls 9-14, dads and moms are encouraged to participate. Parents can create their own account and help manage their daughter's participation in an unobtrusive way. My daughter and I don't have an account, so I have not figured out how they plan to make money with this. My is guess is that some of the activities the girls are encouraged to do involve advertisers and sponsors in some way. BTW, Sweety High sounds a little like Barbie Girls to me. Then again, what do I know. I'm not a tween.

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Toyota's Recommendations

• If you need to stop immediately, the vehicle can be controlled by stepping on the brake pedal with both feet using firm and steady pressure. Do not pump the brake pedal as it will deplete the vacuum utilized for the power brake assist.
• Shift the transmission gear selector to the Neutral (N) position and use the brakes to make a controlled stop at the side of the road and turn off the engine.
• If unable to put the vehicle in Neutral, turn the engine OFF. This will not cause loss of steering or braking control, but the power assist to these systems will be lost.
• If the vehicle is equipped with an Engine Start/Stop button, firmly and steadily push the button for at least three seconds to turn off the engine. Do NOT tap the Engine Start/Stop button.
• If the vehicle is equipped with a conventional key-ignition, turn the ignition key to the ACC position to turn off the engine. Do NOT remove the key from the ignition as this will lock the steering wheel.

Consumer Reports' Recommendations
According to Consumer Reports, the best strategy to stop a runaway car is to press and hold the brakes and shift into neutral. Pumping the brakes at full throttle can make a bad problem even worse. Power brakes rely on engine vacuum to provide additional brake pressure. At full throttle, the engine doesn't generate any vacuum. So as soon as you remove and reapply pressure to the brake pedal, the power assist will disappear and stopping the car will become hopeless. Because a lot of people have never had a reason to shift to Neutral, Consumer Reports recommends you practice shifting to Neutral at a low speed while driving in a large empty parking lot or other safe area. That way, you will know how to handle a stuck accelerator in the event you are faced with that emergency.

Toyota Models Affected by the Recall

• 2009-2010 RAV4
• 2009-2010 Corolla
• 2009-2010 Matrix
• 2005-2010 Avalon
• Certain 2007-2010 Camry
• 2010 Highlander except hybrid models
• 2007-2010 Tundra
• 2008-2010 Sequoia

[Disclosure: This public service announcement was brought to you by the letter K.]

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The Fresh Air Fund is currently looking for runners and sponsors to join the Fresh Air Fund-Racers team for the NYC Half-Marathon on March 21, 2010. Last summer, the Fresh Air Fund-Racers completed the NYC Half-Marathon and raised almost $90,000. Over the past three years as a charity partner for the NYC Half-Marathon, 210 Fund-Racers have raised more than $300,000. If you're interested in running the NYC Half-Marathon with The Fresh Air Fund or sponsoring a runner, please contact them.

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According to an email I received recently, dads and moms can also get rating summaries about a game's rating on the ESRB site, the ESRB mobile website, or via the free ESRB iPhone app. Rating summaries offer a little more information about the aspects of the game that led to the rating it was assigned. You can see some of the extra information below:

Super Hero Squad

Amazon Info
Rating: Everyone 10+

ESRB Rating Summary
Rating: Everyone 10+
Content descriptors: Cartoon Violence
Rating summary: This is an action adventure game in which players guide a group of stylized, "cartoony" Marvel Comics characters through bright and colorful levels. In "Adventure" mode, players engage in fast-paced hand-to-hand combat against villains, creatures, and henchmen who disappear when defeated. In "Battle" mode, players fight other Marvel characters in one-on-one, arena-based brawls. Realistic punching and kicking sounds, grunts, and occasional laser gun fire can be heard throughout the game.

Bakugan Battle Brawlers

Amazon Info
Rating: Everyone 10+

ESRB Rating Summary
Rating: Everyone (not sure why this is different from Amazon)
Content descriptors: Fantasy Violence
Rating summary: This is a strategy game in which players battle evil forces by using special cards and matching on-screen cues. Players enter "Bakugan Battles" by tossing cards onto a grid to release their cards' special powers. Players watch brief animations that include humanoids slashing at enemies, robots shooting lasers from their hand cannons, dragons clawing at enemies, and other magic/light attacks. Creatures sometimes fall on their backs with a thud or collapse to their knees when they sustain a final blow.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2

Amazon Info
Rating: Teen

ESRB Rating Summary
Rating: Teen
Content descriptors: Mild Language, Violence
Rating summary: This is an action game featuring characters and events from the Marvel Comics series. Players select a superhero and run through cities to eliminate hordes of villains and thugs. Players mostly employ hand-to-hand combat (e.g., punches and kicks) and superpowers (e.g., ice beams and lightning strikes) to defeat enemies, while villains often use machine guns, flamethrowers, or projectiles to harm players. During one sequence, the player can take over a machine gun turret and attack enemies on the ground. Frequent gunfire, explosions, and cries of pain highlight the frenetic combat. Some expletives (e.g., "dammit" and "hell") appear in the dialogue.

If you or your kids have played the Wii games above, please feel free to provide feedback.

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Now that the H1N1 vaccine is finally available at our HMO, the powers to be changed the high priority list. The list use to include people between 6 months and 24 years old. Now it's children 6 to 59 months old. Our two oldest kids (ages six and nine) can't get vaccinated unless they have medical conditions that increase their risk for influenza complications.

The same week I found out about the changes in the priority list, I read in the newspaper that H1N1 vaccines will be shipped to prisons to vaccinate inmates (Prison inmates to get H1N1 vaccine before many school kids). I'm sure I'm not the only dad that thinks this, but shouldn't these vaccines go to kids first? The ones that have not broken any laws.

Then last week, I found out that the H1N1 vaccinates were shipped to several Wall Street firms (Wall Street Banks Getting Swine Flu Vaccine Before Many High-Risk Groups). Again, shouldn't the vaccinates go to children first? And didn't tax payers bail out a bunch of these firms last year? Upside down I tell you.

And then yesterday, I heard professional Santas are lobbying to be put on the H1N1 priority list (For Christmas, Santa Wants a H1N1 Vaccine). What the heck? Adults who dress up in red suits should be given higher priority than children ages six to eighteen? In an upside down world, this makes perfect sense.

I'm not saying prison inmates, Wall Street workers, and Santas don't deserve to be vaccinated. I think everyone deserves to be vaccinated. However, as a dad, I think our little ones deserve to be vaccinated first. Sadly, this dad lives in an upside down world.

[BTW, if you have a choice between the spray or the shot, go with the shot. Two weeks ago, the Little Monkey got the H1N1 spray because the HMO was out of shots. And for the last two weeks, the Little Monkey has been sneezing and has a runny nose. The spray uses a live virus. Beware.]

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From now until December 1, 2009, the first 200,000 moms and dads to join the Box Tops for Education will earn 5 bonus Box Tops for their kid's school. Five bonus Box Tops are only worth 50 cents, but they add up during the course of the school year. Dads and moms can earn even more points by emailing their friends and relatives to join the program. Look at how much some schools earned last year from the Box Tops for Education program:

To earn five bonus Box Tops for your school, join the Box Tops program today. Enter your zip code and them select a school to support (even though our school is new, it's listed!). After you select the school you want to support, you'll need to enter your info (name, email address, state, zip, birthday) and then select a password. After you sign up, you'll get a Welcome to Box Tops for Education email. You'll need to click on the Power of 1 graphics to earn five points for your school:

Your designated school will receive earnings from Bonus Box Tops awarded online, qualifying purchases from the Box Tops Marketplace (up to 15%), books purchased through the Box Tops Reading Room (up to 6%), and items purchased off your My Class Essentials registry (up to 2%).

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Sorry I have not been out in the blogosphere lately (I'll be back soon). Things are really hectic around here. My wife and baby are essentially quarantined in the TV room. The baby isn't contagious. We just want to minimize the risk of baby getting infected with something else while his immune system is down. Right now I feel like a single dad with three young kids. Have I ever mentioned my kids like to bicker with each other? ALL DAY LONG.

Reminder: enter the Maghound Magazines Giveaway now (who can't use a one year subscription for up to 15 magazines a month?). There's only one entry so far. You guys are making me look bad and you're suppose to make me look good. And don't forget to enter the MAGnificent Makeover Sweepstakes ($1500 shopping spree, trip to New York for two, and a makeover). You can enter the sweepstakes once a day until December 15th.

And finally, the winners of the Novosoft Handy Backup Software Giveaway (sorry for the delay): Seattledad and Ruthie.

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With Halloween just around the corner, I decided to search the National Sex Offender Public Website for sex offenders in our neighborhood. Yeah, I know. As a dad, I should check the sex offender public website year round instead of just around Halloween time. My bad. I'll do better. Luckily for us, the search only turned up one hit for our zip code. And he doesn't even live in our neighborhood — he's over four miles away.

For the dads and moms who don't know, the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website is coordinated by the U.S. Department of Justice. It is a cooperative effort between the Jurisdictions (ie – states) hosting public sex offender registries and the federal government. The website is a search tool that enables users to submit a single national query to obtain information about sex offenders.

With the website, moms and dads can obtain public information regarding the presence or location of offenders who have been convicted of sexually violent offenses against adults and children and certain sexual contact and other crimes against victims who are minors. Parents can use the website to educate themselves about the possible presence of offenders in their local communities.

Note: the default search is a standard search that only lets you query by name. So unless you know the names of all the sex offenders in your area, you should use the advance search instead. The advance search lets you query by name, zip code, county, city, and state. Tip: you should enter adjacent zip codes (maximum of five) in the search box. Otherwise, the search will be limited to the zip code you entered.

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Cool. The Little Princess and I read the Harry Potter series this past summer. She's pretty excited about the theme park. I am too, except I have no idea how I can afford to go there next year. Florida is on the opposite coast from us and it's expensive to fly a family of six all the way over there. Maybe we could use our broomsticks, Portkeys, or Floo Powder. Look out muggles! Here comes daddy and his Forever wizards.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal's Islands of Adventure

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter Highlights

• At the entrance of Hogsmeade, billowing steam and an iconic whistle signal the arrival of the Hogwarts Express into Hogsmeade station
• Across the way is Zonko's, a joke shop with a collection of tricks and jokes, including Extendable Ears, Boxing Telescopes and Sneakoscopes
• Honeydukes is next door and full of treats like Chocolate Frogs and Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans
• The Three Broomsticks and adjacent Hog's Head pub will feature traditional British fare and drinks including Butterbeer and pumpkin juice
• Across from the Three Broomsticks is The Owlery, where owls roost and await their next delivery
• The Owl Post sends letters with a certified Hogsmeade postmark and sells official stamps from The Wizarding World of Harry Potter
• Ollivanders wand shop is an incredible interactive experience where the wand chooses the wizard
• Completing Hogsmeade is Dervish and Banges, the magical instruments and equipment shop featuring Quidditch equipment, Triwizard apparel, Spectrespecs and Remembralls
• The first attraction, Dragon Challenge, features a twin high-speed roller coaster with many iconic elements from the Triwizard Tournament
• Next is Flight of the Hippogriff, a family coaster simulating a Hippogriff training flight over the grounds of Hogwarts castle
• Located in Hogwarts castle, Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey is a thrilling new state-of-the-art attraction that uses entirely new technology to bring the magic, characters and stories of Harry Potter to life in ways never before experienced
• Before exiting back into Hogsmeade, Filch's Emporium of Confiscated Goods is full of Ministry of Magic and magical creatures merchandise, Omnioculars, and even remote control Golden Snitches

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When I was going through the sites, I used my gut feeling to determine if the blog should be included in my mommy and daddy directory. Just because a blog is written by a mom or dad doesn't mean it should be included (ie – a blog written by a dad about the kinky mating habits of seahorses). At some point, I need to define the criteria to be listed in my directory (a big bribe?).

I also need to decide if I should include non-blogs. I've noticed some "blogs" are so slick that they are more like an online magazine than a blog. Should they be listed? Not sure yet. And what about the big media publications that have columnists write parenting blogs? Then there are the blogs devoted entirely to giveaways and reviews. Yeah I know, I run reviews and giveaways on my dad blog too. But my blog isn't entirely devoted to giveaways and reviews like some blogs. There's nothing wrong with sites that are like that, but should they be listed in a mom and dad blog directory?

At some point, I'll probably need to assign blogs to categories. Otherwise, I'll just end up with a really long list as the directory expands. I actually started to put blogs in categories in the first pass, but it was too much work. And some blogs were too hard to place in a single category.

Anyways, I just wanted to let my regular readers preview my dad and mom directory. Feel free to offer feedback. Inquiring minds want to know.

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My mom's struggles with Alzheimer's and dementia dominate my memories of her. It's hard for me to come up with memories of her when she was happy. That's why I was glad to find the photo of her below for the funeral. Not only is my mother smiling in the photo, she's also young. I wish my mind was full of memories of mom when she was young and happy.

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Goodbye mom. I hope your next life is much better than the life you had here on earth. You will be missed.

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I also won two awards — one from Chris and the other from elijahssong. I think the award is for the sexiest blogger alive or something like that. Take that Hugh Jackman. Thank you ladies for the awards.

It starts with you. It stays with him. is a campaign to end violence against women. White Ribbon Campaign and Le Centre ontarien de prévention des agressions are working together to raise a generation of men who respect women. The White Ribbon is a symbol of a man's pledge to never commit, condone, or remain silent about violence against women. I'm glad my dad never hitted my mom. Otherwise, who knows what kind of man I would have grown up to become.

In the "Parents Gone Bad" files, we have two stories. First story is about a mom wanna-be. She used Craigslist to hook up with a pregnant woman. Then she killed the pregnant woman and cutted the baby out of the womb. The baby did not survive. In another story, a woman gave birth and then tossed her baby into a portable toilet. It's not clear whether the baby boy died before or after being thrown in the toilet.

Shoeboxed.com scans and organizes receipts and business cards that users mail in. Shoeboxed converts piles of unorganized receipts and business cards into an organized, searchable, secure, and exportable digital archive of financial and contact information. The service might be worth looking into if you're into filing away years of receipts. I have hundreds of receipts in my file cabinet that are no longer readable.

Gran Torino and The Boy in the Striped Pajamas are two movies I've seen recently. They are great movies and I highly recommend both of them. I give the DVDs three thumbs up.

Reminder: the Energizer charger giveaway ends June 24th and the dads and grads books giveaway ends June 30th.

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If you got about $100 to spend, a cool lightsaber would make an excellent Father's Day present for a geek dad. The (Yoda [$79.98], Darth Vader [$99.03], Luke Skywalker [$139.99], Anakin [$99.99]) lightsabers are expensive because they use motion sensors to trigger the awesome Star Wars sound effects.

Carbon Fiber Gear is giving away two pens for Father's Day. To enter, write a comment on their blog about why you love carbon fiber pens.

You can download a free copy of the Battle for Terra activity book. The pdf file is filled with photos, word searches, how to make a terrarium, recipes, and other activities for kids and families. The Battle for Terra movie was released last month.

The Fresh Air Fund is an independent, not-for-profit agency that has provided free summer vacations to more than 1.7 million New York City children from low-income communities since 1877. Any donation made by June 30th to The Fresh Air Fund will be matched dollar for dollar by a generous group of donors.

The It's Up 2 U website is challenging families to take part in a nationwide effort to make healthy changes at home and in schools. They want to increase awareness and encourage families to join the act against child obesity.

[me] & goji is a custom cereal and granola company. Customers can design their own cereal online from over 50 natural and organic ingredients. As users select the ingredients, the nutritional values are updated in real time. The customized cereal is shipped directly in a sleek cereal capsule.

Wishpot is a social shopping site that lets people create wish lists by adding items found from not just one but from any site on the web (domestic or international). The list can then be sent to family and friends for special occasions like Father's Day, birthdays, etc.

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According to the authorities, the mom forced her two young children off the Sellwood Bridge in an act of revenge against her estranged husband. The couple had been in a nasty custody battle over their kids. According to court records, the father was given temporary custody of the children and the mom was given visitation rights every other weekend. The mom wasn't happy with the ruling so she tried to kill both of her kids. What is wrong with this woman?

Like all of you normal people out there, I would rather lose custody of my kids and have them live a long life. I would never choose to end the life of my children because I couldn't bare the thought of losing them to someone else. Isn't that what loving parents would do? I don't understand how a mom could fight for custody of her children and then kill them.

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dadforever.com
daddyforlife.com
foreverdaddy.com

mommyforlife.com
mommyforever.com
momforever.com

[Update: - I forgot to mention that I will transfer the domains for free. However, after the registration expires in mid-June, you'll have to pay about $10 annually to Go Daddy if you want to keep the domains. Sorry.]

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So, here's my question for the day: How do you blog when it's nice outside?

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Me: I got a letter stating I over paid my taxes.

IRS: Which form?

Me: 1120.

IRS: The name of your company and tax ID?

Me: Blah, blah, blah.

IRS: One moment please while I look up your record. [music] OK, according to our records, you had a tax balance of zero and you made a payment of $xxx,xxx,xxx.

Me: I did make a payment of $xxx,xxx,xxx, but that's because I had a tax amount due of $xxx,xxx,xxx. It's on line 34 of the form I completed.

IRS: Hmmm. For some reason, our computer show an amount due of zero for line 34. Let me check with someone. Please hold. [music again] OK, they made an error and entered zero due instead of $xxx,xxx,xxx. I will put a hold on your credit and send you a letter.

Me: OK. That's it right? I don't need to do anything else.

IRS: No. You need to send my letter to the IRS and explain the problem.

Me: I thought I am talking to the IRS.

IRS: You are, but you need to send the letter to a different department.

Me: So you're going to send me a letter. Then I'm suppose to send the letter back to the IRS?

IRS: Correct.

Me: Who's on first.

IRS: What?

Me: What's on second. Who's on first.

IRS: I don't understand. You're confusing me.

Me: Really? Now, you know how I feel.

I should have just kept the refund and bought a small island in the tropics. But I was afraid the IRS might audit and castrate me, and then banish me to a planet full of stinky diapers.

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Three names that friends call you:
1. Ken the Great
2. The Gifted One
3. Mr. Amazing

Three most important dates in your life:
1. June 13th
2. July 31st
3. February 30th

Three things you've done in the last 30 minutes:
1. Patched a drywall
2. Repaired the turbolift
3. Conquered the universe

Three ways to be happy:
1. Tormenting my kids
2. Sitting by a waterfall
3. Star gazing

Three gifts you would like to receive:
1. Invisibility cloak
2. Transporter
3. Angelina Jolie

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Playing with the dark side of the Force
2. Discussing the meaning of life with the Guardian of Forever
3. Traveling through space at warp speed

Three places you want to go for a vacation:
1. Hong Kong
2. Caprica before the Cylon invasion
3. Infinity and beyond

Three favorite drinks:
1. Coke One / Diet Coke
2. Romulan ale
3. Non-alcoholic water

Three things found in your bag:
1. Phaser
2. Lightsaber
3. Sword of Truth

Three favorite colors:
1. Indigo Blue
2. Orange Crush
3. Sinister Black

Top three hangouts:
1. The Holodeck
2. The Death Star
3. The Borg cube

Top three you love so much:
1. My family
2. Cylon, Model Number Six
3. Borg Queen

Top three things special to you (things only):
1. The stars and the moon
2. The Force
3. My sanity

Top three that make you happy lately:
1. Showing my wife my latest dance moves
2. Chasing rainbows
3. Ruling the universe with an iron fist

Top three reasons why you answered this survey:
1. Kay tagged me,
2. Tried to bribe me,
3. Then threatened me

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Then last month, AIG sent me another letter telling me they still have not received payment. I assumed it was just an error/automated response since they already told me the problem has been taken care of. Then over the weekend, AIG sent me yet another letter. This time they told me they have terminated my policy (even though I had already paid them $282 last October). My wife called AIG and told them we already sent proof of payment and that AIG sent a letter telling us they did receive the check. The customer service rep told my wife that they have no record that the check ever cleared and that we have to resolve the issue with our bank.

What the heck? AIG cashed the check. It cleared. We sent them proof. AIG acknowledged receipt of payment. Now my life insurance policy has been terminated. Without a refund.

Even if I get my life insurance policy reinstated, I have absolutely no confidence AIG will actually send a check to my family in the event I am killed by a sith or a giant marshmallow man. Keep in mind that AIG was bailed out twice last Fall ($150 billion in taxpayer dollars) and will most likely need another bailout this year. This is the same company that threw a party at a five-star resort two weeks after the first bailout. They don't know what they are doing. Right now, I would rather get my $282 back than keep my policy with AIG Life.

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Here's the story. Every Friday, we place our garbage can on the sidewalk to the right of our driveway. We put it on the sidewalk because we're one of those people who don't like to knock over the garage can with the mini-van. Yeah, I know, we're strange that way. The garbage truck comes, picks up our trash can with the mechanical arm, and empties the garbage into their truck. But instead of placing the can back on the sidewalk, the truck drives about 15 feet and then places the can out on the street and in front of our driveway. The can not only blocks our driveway, it also blocks the mail truck from delivering all those wonderful bills (the mail boxes for our block is located on the left side of our driveway).

Here's the strange part. All the neighbors' cans are placed back on the sidewalk where they were originally. Our trash can is the only one moved more than a foot or two. And it happens every week.

Another time, the driver placed a gigantic, red, warning sticker on the lid of our garbage can. Apparently, placing the garbage can, recycle container, and yard debris can within four feet of each other is too close for the truck's mechanical arm. We're now required to place our containers 500 feet apart. The strange thing is, the rule only seems to apply to us. Everyone else in our neighborhood still place all their containers within a foot of each other. We're the only ones with a big, scarlet letter on the trash can.

So, what do you think? Is the garbage company out to get us?

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This week, a local paper broke the story about a sex scandal involving our newly elected mayor, Sam Adams. When the mayor was campaigning last fall, he denied he had a sexual relationship with a teenager in 2005. Now the mayor admits he was lying and told his former partner to lie too.

According to the 42-year old mayor, they waited until the boy was 18 before they had sex because the mayor knew it was illegal to have sex with a minor. Sure, he knew that was illegal, but he didn't know it was morally wrong? The boy was an intern (not his) and the mayor was a person with power (he was a city commissioner at the time). Sounds like really bad judgment to me. Kinda makes you wonder if he has the right character to be the mayor.

Wait, there's more. Most people in Portland do not seem to be upset with the mayor's relationship with the teenager, but they are angry that he lied about it. Have I mentioned that Portland is a very liberal city? In fact, Portland is so liberal that you could legally clone yourself and then get a license to marry your clone. Just don't lie about it.

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The other big change is on the home page. I use to always show the entire post on the home page, but now I'm only showing a portion of the post for most entries. I prefer to show the entire post, but I have to reduce the load on the server (especially when there are a lot of graphics in the post). I know it's annoying. Sorry.

Over the weekend, I also installed a cache plugin. Now when you view a page on my blog, you are served a version that was saved earlier. Normally, the server would query the database and serve you the most updated page. By bypassing the database, the cache plugin reduces the load on the server. Unfortunately, that means you may not always see the most recent comments.

That's it for now. I'll see what else I can change to annoy you.

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I've been busy ruling the universe for the past three weeks and have not had time for blogging. Plus I'm bored with writing about how cute my kids are. My goal this year is to write more useful posts and less fluff. Speaking of fluff, here are some in list form:

• Our wonderful snow is finally gone. It's been in the 50's this week. Very spring like. I almost wore my shorts to pick up the kids at school today.

• The Disney souvenir is about two months away. I think Mommy Forever wishes the baby was due today. It looks like she has a huge watermelon in her tummy. I wonder if it would be better if humans could lay eggs instead.

• My server crashed two days in a row last week. Then I locked myself out of the server. Doh! I have to make some changes to this blog soon to reduce the load on my server. My blog uses way too many SQL queries.

• I read all four of the Twilight books over the holidays. I liked them, but I thought Stephenie Meyer's The Host was better.

• The Little Princess was invited to a birthday party. This time the mom is letting us know ahead of time that they will be going to see a movie. We have the option of dropping the Little Princess off at their house or at the theatre.

• For some strange reason, the Little Princess wants to read the Star Wars novel (Luke Skywalker and the Shadows of Mindor) I checked out at the library. The Force is strong with this one.

• I have another giveaway coming up. More on this later.

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Wrong!

As it turns out, Butthead Mom and another person drove the kids to an arcade. WTF? That was news to us. Butthead Mom never told us they were taking our girl anywhere. Not in the invite. Not when we dropped her off. Not when Butthead Mom called us. And not when we came to pick up our daughter. We might not have ever known if my wife didn't notice the Little Princess' shoes were not in the same place outside the door. She asked the Little Princess if she went outside and that's when we found out about the trip to the arcade.

How can a parent take another person's kid somewhere and not say anything about it? Just because I'm almost fine with dropping off my daughter for a party doesn't mean it's ok for someone to drive her around town without my permission. Keep in mind the Little Princess is only eight and we don't know Butthead Mom very well. We've only seen Butthead Mom when she dropped off her girl at our parties and when we dropped off our daughter at their parties. If I had all the time in the world and if I wanted to torment myself, I would stay at the party and keep an eye on the Little Princess (we use to do this when she was younger).

We're disappointed in the Little Princess too. She knows she isn't suppose to get in a car with someone unless we tell her it's ok. She should have called, but she didn't. Actually, I'm not surprised she didn't call. She's doesn't like to rock the boat. If all her friends hopped into a mini-van, then she'll hop in too. She's not the confrontational type and will never say something like: "Before you take me anywhere and possibly sell me as a slave, I need to ask my parents for permission first."

Even though I have three kids, I'm still new to this parenting thing. So tell me, is it unusual for another parent to drive your kid somewhere without asking or telling you? We should have asked, but it never occurred to us someone would actually take off with our kid like that.

Oh yeah, we decided the Little Princess can no longer go to the Butthead Mom's house. In the future, we also plan to ask other parents if they will be taking our kids anywhere. Maybe we should also ask if they will be handing out drugs, booze, or guns.

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Second, Orlund over at Dad's Workbench gave me the Charming Blog Award. Yes, it's true. I'm very charming when I'm not stripping, glaring at people, or hiding behind my kids at parties. Thank you, Orlund.

"These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly written text into the body of their award."

I like too many blogs to choose only eight bloggers to give the award to. Instead, I'm going to highlight the top eight commentors for this year:

• Desert Songbird
• Leslie
• Peepnroosmom
• Holly Schwendiman
• Mark
• Chris H
• Doris Clark
• Kris

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1. I worked part-time as a male stripper in college. Women at bachelorette parties were the biggest tippers and sorority girls were the worst.

2. I worked in Japan for a week. While there, a former NEC executive tried to set me up with his daughter. He even had her fly to America to visit me. My bad. I should have told him I was already dating someone, but I didn't expect to ever see his daughter again.

3. I can't drive a stick very well. In college, I forgot to step on the brake pedal when I started a friend's pickup …… the truck smacked into a concrete building. The building was fine, but the bumper was history. Ooops.

4. I ordered way too much soil last summer. So I removed my lawn sod, moved the soil to where the lawn was, and then placed the sod back. I essentially swept the soil underneath my lawn.

5. I never learned phonetics so I have trouble pronouncing words I've never heard before. Books with a lot of made-up words drive me crazy.

6. I use to be fluent in languages like Pascal, Cobol, Fortran, and Assembly. Now I'm only fluent in English.

7. I was born with an extra finger on my left hand. It was surgically removed when I was six. Just the extra finger, not the entire left hand.

So, which one is not true?

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2008 Presidential Election Results by County
Blue = Obama, Red = McCain

Source: Mark Newman, Department of Physics, University of Michigan

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Two Oregon State jackets! My wife still loves me.

But there's a catch. I can only keep one of the jackets. Apparently, there is a limit to her love.

Which jacket do you think I should keep: black and orange? Or orange and black? (Sorry for my appearance, I didn't have time to put on my skin today.)

Black and orange

Orange and black

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The unpopular girl reminded me of a scene from Spanglish. In the movie, Adam Sandler drops off his daughter at an elite private school. While his daughter is walking away, Sandler notices that his daughter is different from the other girls. Later, Sandler asks his nanny (Paz Vega): If you had to choose between your daughter fitting in and being the same as everyone else, or being different and not fitting in, which would you choose?

Obviously, our kids are all different and they have their own unique personality. However, at some point during childhood, kids will feel the urge to be assimilated by the Borg collective. Resistance is futile. They'll start talking the same, pretend to like movies that they don't like, and go to football games even though they don't care for the sport. Ideally, our kids could be as different as they want to be and still be part of the hive. But I don't think it works that way.

So, which would you choose for your kids? Being the same as the other kids and fitting in? Or being different and not fitting in? Sorry, you can't choose being different and fitting in. That's against the law.

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1. Where is your cell phone?
Sitting on my desk, feeling sorry for itself because it's not an iPhone, gPhone, or BlackBerry Storm. I think it might commit suicide.

2. Where is your significant other?
She's on the sofa, half sleeping, half watching TV, and half eating. Yeah, I know, that's three halves. It's girls math. My wife taught it to me.

3. Your hair color?
Sinister black.

4. Your mother?
I have one.

5. Your father?
I have one of those too

6. Your favorite thing?
Rainbows, stars, sunshine, sunsets, and full moons (no, not the mooning kind).

7. Your dream last night?
I don't have dreams. I think I might be an android.

8. Your dream/goal?
To rule the universe.

9. The room you're in?
My home office. I would like to call it my man cave, but my wife is in here every evening.

10. Your hobby?
It use to be photography, but I have no time for hobbies anymore. I barely have time to breath. Plus my SLR is broken.

11. Your fear?
Losing my wife and kids, kryptonite, and developing an extra eye on my forehead.

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Starring in Star Wars, Episode 8. I will be a big hit as Darth Geek in Episode 7 (three years from now).

13. Where were you last night?
In an alternate universe. I think I was a Sith.

14. What you're not?
Sane. I have three little monsters that like to torment me.

15. One of your wish-list items?
Porsche. On a more realistic side, a nice digital SLR camera with a zoom lens.

16. Where you grew up?
Portland, Oregon USA, but I was born in a galaxy far, far away. My biological parents sent me to earth in a spaceship just before my home planet exploded.

17. The last thing you did?
Put pants back on my son. After I tucked him in, he took off his pants and underwear, then fell asleep half naked without any blankets. Might be OK in the summer, but too cool for autumn.

18. What are you wearing?
Shorts, t-shirt, and a tiara.

19. Your TV?
A 25" Sharp TV. My godmother/aunt gave it to me almost 11 years ago.

20. Your pets?
None. Unless my wife counts. If not, I would like to get some fishes. Oops, I think I just compared my wife to a fish.

21. Your computer?
It sings lullabies to me every night.

22. Your mood?
Not sure. I have to consult my mood ring.

23. Missing someone?
My mom (Alzheimer's) and cousin (died before she turned 30).

24. Your car?
1998 Toyota Camry in the daytime and the Batmobile at night.

25. Something you're not wearing?
A Halloween costume. I love Halloween, but I have yet to find a costume I would love to wear.

26. Favorite store?
I like Fry's Electronics, but they are too far away (50+ miles round trip).

27. Your summer?
Missing it already. Wish it could be late summer year round.

28. Love someone?
My wife and kids (most of the time).

29. Your favorite color?
Not sure I have a favorite color. Probably depends on my mood, which depends on my mood ring.

30. When was the last time you laughed?
That would be every day. I have three young kids and I make them entertain me.

31. Last time you cried?
Never. I'm a man. Plus I don't have any tear ducts. Men don't need them.

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1. Part of me is hoping Sarah Palin makes it to the White House
   The Tina Fey SNL skits makes me laugh and I want to see more. I know laughter is not a good reason for voting for someone, but considering how experienced people in the White House and Wall Street have screwed up the economy, I think we can all use a little laughter right now.

2. I glare at people when I drive
   I can't help it. Sometimes other drivers just annoy me — like when I'm waiting my turn at a four-way stop. Then a car makes a running stop and cuts in front of everyone. In my younger days, I would have flipped them off. But I'm more mature now. That's why I just glare at them when they drive by. Then I use my in-car transporter and transport them to my in-laws' house.

3. My wife and two oldest kids speak Chinese better than I do
   I know this is quite embarrassing — especially since I'm Chinese and my wife isn't. And no, you don't need to remind me my two oldest kids are only eight and five. In my defense, I'm the only one in the family who can speak Klingon.

4. I'm not afraid of heights
   Based on previous posts, some of you may think I'm afraid of height. Not true. I'm only afraid of falling from high places. And it doesn't help when you have clay tiles. Did you know clay tiles are not nailed to the roof and they shift a little when you walk on them?

5. I have an MBA
   I bet you thought I was just a geek with an engineering degree. Well, I do have an engineering degree, but I also have an MBA. Someday, I will fulfill my dream and become a Wall Street executive and get my share of the bailout.

6. I wasn't always frugal
   I use to be normal and bought stuff without comparing prices. But after my kids chopped down the money tree, I learned to shop around and wait for sales.

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I would like a man cave, but I'm fairly certain if I tell my wife I need one, she'll roll her eyes. Then she'll tell me how she carried each of our kids for nine months. After that, she'll remind me that she takes care of the kids full time and doesn't get paid. Then she'll suggest I rent an office so she can convert my home office into a mommy cave. And it'll have a lock, will be sound proof, and kids will not be allowed. I think there might also be a full time masseuse.

While we are on the subject of man cave, you should check out the Win a Man Cave Contest. People have the chance to win up to $15,000 in merchandise to create their dream man cave (I've got dibs on the Samsung 58" Plasma HDTV). All you have to do is submit a 100-word essay explaining why you or your significant other should win. The deadline to enter is November 19, 2008.

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If life was a movie, I would expect the President to stand up for the rest of us. He would say something like, "Let's find another way out of this mess. We're not going to screw the American taxpayers because of a few greedy corporations."

On another note, why do Wall Street executives get paid so much? The salary of the President of the United States is $400,000. Whether you support the President or not, I think most people would agree it's the hardest job around. So why do executives in the private sector get paid millions of dollars? Shouldn't there be a law that caps executive salaries to be less than the President's salary? And why do executives receive millions of dollars in severance pay for running a company into the ground? Is failure at taxpayers' expense something we really want to reward?

This post was brought to you by: Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Lehman Brothers, AIG, Bear Stearns, Wachovia, IndyMac Bank, and Washington Mutual.

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Anyhow, my wife looked at my parents' wedding date and implied my mom might have been pregnant with me when she got married. I pointed out I was born 10 months and 14 days after they got married and therefore my mom was not pregnant when she got married. Then I remembered a friend of mine made a similar comment when the Little Princess was born. My friend asked if Mommy Forever was pregnant when we got married. Nope. My wife and I got married on July 31st and our daughter was born on June 13th — that's 10 months and 13 days after we got married.

Isn't that amazing? I was born 10 months and 14 days after my parents got married and the Little Princess was born 10 months and 13 days after we got married. Wait there's more. The Little Princess was born in a leap year, which means she and I were born exactly 318 days after the big wedding day.

Now for the bonus round. As some of you know, my wife, the Little Princess, and Spiderboy were all born on June 13th. Maybe this is just a big coincidence, but sometimes I feel like my wife and I were destined to be married on July 31st and our kids were destined to be born on June 13th.

What do you think — coincidence or destiny?

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On another note, I think my wife hates me. She won't let me have cable. The game was on cable. I missed the entire game. Doh! But at least I got to read books to my kids. That's much better than watching my alma mater beat the best team in the country. They do that all the time. I'm glad I got that off my chest. I feel much better about missing the game already. Much better.

Photo by The Oregonian

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Daddy explained to Subject M that the rides might be too scary for her and asked her if she still wanted to go on them. Subject M answered yes. Daddy took Subject M to The Matterhorn ride and asked her if she was sure she wanted to go on the ride. Subject M answered yes. As expected, The Matterhorn scared the princess out of Subject M.

The next day, daddy took Subject M to Splash Mountain. Again daddy asked Subject M if she still wanted to go on the ride. Again Subject M answered yes. And again, the ride scared the princess out of Subject M.

Subject M on the Splash Mountain ride

Next up was the Indiana Jones ride. Daddy asked Subject M if she really wanted to go on the ride. Subject M has never seen any of the Indiana Jones movies, but she still answered yes. And just like the other thrill rides, the Indiana Jones ride scared the princess out of Subject M.

On the last day of the Disneyland vacation, daddy took Subject M to Space Mountain. Daddy does not like Space Mountain. The ride makes daddy's stomach queasy and daddy was hoping Subject M would finally say no. But as before, Subject M stated she wanted to go on the ride. Afterwards, both daddy and Subject M were queasy. And as before, the ride scared the princess out of Subject M.

Subject M appears to have been born with some sort of disorder that results in her making one bad decision after another. She knows the rides will scare her, yet she wants to go on them away.

Course of Action

• Continue to monitor Subject M
• Determine if disorder is contagious
• Find cure to disorder

Conclusion
Unless a cure is found, Subject M will eventually meet someone that is bad for her. She'll know he's bad for her, but will marry him anyway.

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Last October, we finally got rid of our SUV and purchased a mini-van. Our very first mini-van. A guy's dream come true. Who needs a Porsche when you can drive a Kia Sedona? And it's huge. I'm probably the envy of every man in the universe.

My wife actually wanted a Honda Odyssey or a Toyota Sienna, but why pay an extra ten grand for a car you know the kids will trash? Plus I did my research. Last year, the Sedona was ranked third in Consumer Reports behind the Odyssey and the Sienna. Around the web, the Sedona generated mostly good reviews.

But it was just an illusion. A couple weeks after we purchased the mini-van, we started having problems with the electric sliding door. Sometimes it would close, then pop back open a few inches. My wife called the dealer and they said they've seen that problem before. Naturally, when my wife took the car to the dealer, the door worked fine. The service people said they can't work on our car unless they see the problem. My wife offered to video tape the problem the next time it happens. But the service people said a video isn't good enough. They have to see the problem in person. You know, because we have nothing better to do than make a fake video of our mini-van's door.

It's been ten months now and we're still having problems with the door. Yesterday, I finally Googled the problem to see if there was a fix for this. I didn't find a solution, but I did discover a lot of other people were having the same problem. The malfunctioning door appears to be a known problem that Kia doesn't know how to fix. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think a car manufacturer should sell a car with a known door problem. What happens if the door pops open while you're driving?

After owning a mini-van, I liking it. I love the cargo space and the extra row of seats. But I'm never going to buy a Kia again. Or a Hyundai (they manufacture the Kia Sedona). Our next car will be a mini-van made by Porsche.

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I didn't see the opening ceremony, but I'm glad I missed it. In case you have not heard, some of the fireworks were faked digitally and the little girl was lip syncing. It wasn't even her own voice. Apparently, the Olympics officials in China didn't think the seven-year old girl who actually sang the song was pretty enough. What is wrong with these people? If I still had kids in diapers, I would send poopy diapers to those officials. Even then, the officials would still stink more.

On another note, I think my wife is in love with Michael Phelps. She gets excited every time Phelps swims. She's leaving for Seattle next week. Supposely to visit the weirdo-in-law. But I'm fairly certain she's leaving me for the showoff. Just for the record, in an alternate universe, I have a great body too. And unlike Mikey, I can cook.

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The highlight of the demolition was my first trip to the city dump. It wasn't what I expected. I thought the dump was located at a landfill, but it was actually in an airplane hanger type of structure. It smelled a little, but not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Considering it was the dump, it was actually relatively clean. And there wasn't even any dead bodies. Not a single one.

My next big project is painting the house. But I have no idea how I'm going to paint our house. I painted my parents' house several times when I was a kid. But my parents' house is only one story and is about the size of our garage. Our house is a hundred stories high and can fit several Boeing 787 Dreamliners. My 24-foot ladder can't even reach the gutter above our front door. It's one of those houses that requires a ladder ON THE ROOF in order to paint the high areas over the garage. I'm also nervous about painting the trim. I've seen professional painters lean over the roof to paint the trim. Sounds way too dangerous to me. Lean a little too much and you're headed head first for the concrete below. I'm not afraid of dying. I just don't want to crack the driveway with my hard head. And then I'll have to put in a new driveway.

Unless I can figure out a safe way to paint our house, I might have to hire someone. According to friends and neighbors, the estimates are in the range of $4,000 to $8,000. Ouch! Anyone have any suggestions for painting our house? Or better yet, does anyone want to send a few thousand dollars my way so I can hire painters?

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On Monday, the Little Princess freaked us out. My wife went to the bus stop to pick up the Little Princess and she wasn't on it. We found out from the school that the Little Princess missed the school bus. When we asked the Little Princess how did she miss the bus, she told us she didn't know. Coincidentally, the Little Princess' best friend, the Annoying Friend, also missed the bus. Something tells me they missed the bus because they were goofing around after school.

My wife and I are not fond of the Annoying Friend. One time we heard the Annoying Friend say she doesn't want to come over again if another of the Little Princess' friend will be there. Another time, we found a letter in the Little Princess' backpack. The letter was from the Annoying Friend and it was about how the Annoying Friend hated another friend of the Little Princess (different from the other friend I already mentioned). We also heard from a mom, who volunteers in their classroom, that the Annoying Friend copies the Little Princess' school work. Then there was the time the Annoying Friend told us she wanted us to take her home…we just started eating dinner. The Annoying Friend isn't evil, but I have a bad feeling about her. If she's like this now (she's only a second grader), I wonder what's she going to be like when she's a teenager.

Now back to our summer like weather:

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The lower back is something most of us take for granted, but it plays a key role in almost every thing we do. When the lower back goes out, it's a struggle to get out of bed, put on socks, wash your face, sit down, stand up, and walk. Lying down on your back is about the only thing you can really do without pain. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time lying on the floor. I had a lot of questions go through my head while staring at the ceiling. Maybe you can answer some of them for me.

» First, why do doctors tell you to lie on the floor when your back goes out, but they never explain how to get up without hurting your back even more.

» Why must the toilet seat be down? I'm asking because it's really hard to reach down to lift the seat up when your back is out of service.

» What happened to global warming? It's spring and we're stuck in the 40's. It even snowed several times this past week (didn't stick in our area).

» Why does my son keep wearing his underwear backwards? Hello, boy's underwear. There's an obvious front.

» I watched American Idol last night. Am I the only one who thinks Brooke and Goldilocks look like they have to poop when they sing?

» Why did my wife tell her friend I hurt my back while having sex?

» Why do doctors prescribe pills for my chronic back problems but don't investigate the cause of my recurring back problems?

» Why does our new neighbor have a pickup full of empty cardboard boxes? It's has been sitting outside for over a month now. On windy days, the boxes end up all over the street.

» My alma mater, Oregon State University, recently hired Barack Obama's brother-in-law (Craig Robinson) as their new basketball coach. If Obama is elected president, can Oregon State ever fire Craig Robinson?

» Why is my son asking for a baby brother? Isn't tormenting his little sister enough?

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I don't have time to write this week so I'm posting photos. But in my unbiased opinion, they're cute photos.

Is my head too big?

Mommy took my toy. I'm never going to smile again.

Maybe daddy should call me the Little Bird.

Ooops. We forgot where we buried daddy.

I have to water this rock. It's thirsty.

Someone get me a beer.

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The pregnant man, Thomas Beatie, is transgender and is married to a woman named Nancy. He had a sex change operation many years ago, but kept his reproductive organs. He and his wife want to have children, but Nancy is unable to carry a child because of a hysterectomy. So the couple decided Thomas would discontinue his testosterone injections and get pregnant via artificial insemination. Thomas is now about five months pregnant and will have a baby girl in July.

Holy cow! Can you imagine a world where men get pregnant instead of women? It would be a very different world. For one thing, you can say goodbye to overpopulation. Most guys would stop having sex for fear of getting pregnant. You can also say goodbye to the tradition where complete strangers rub the belly of a pregnant person (what is the deal with that?). I'm fairly certain guys won't go around rubbing another man's belly. Doing so would result in a black eye. I speak from experience.

I'm still not convince the pregnant man story is for real. While the story does sound plausible, I'm still expecting someone to shout out, "Ha-ha! Gotcha!" After all, tomorrow is April Fool's Day. So, what do you think, is the pregnancy real or fake?

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I have never been audited, but I fear an audit more than I fear having my kids raised by Britney Spears. I think most Americans fear being audited by the IRS too. Fear is probably one of the reasons the honor system sorta works when it comes to filing our taxes. Yeah I know, there are a lot of dishonest people out there. But if people didn't fear the taxman, a lot more people would claim ice cream as a medical expense deduction.

Fear of the taxman also works with our kids. In our family, Mommy Forever is the taxman. She collects money from me and keeps our kids in line most of the time. If it wasn't for the fear of mommy, our kids would cause the planet to implode and then laugh about it afterwards.

I always thought I would be the taxman in the family. You know, the Enforcer. Go ahead kid, make my day. But the kids don't fear me. To them, I'm just a kid too. I wonder how they arrived at that silly conclusion. I'm the most mature person I know. And when my wife isn't around, I wear the pants in the family.

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