Someone help me. There’s a teenager in our house. And the teenager is not one of my kids. She’s my wife. It’s true. Ever since she saw Twilight, she devolved back into a teenager. My wife, who generally dislikes vampire movies, is obsessed with Twilight now. She purchased the Twilight box set at Costco and read them all in four days. Keep in mind my wife doesn’t like to read. That’s why she married me and specified in our marriage contract that I have to do her share of reading for her.
Now my wife, the teenager, frequently checks the Stephenie Meyer website and searches the Internet for the latest Twilight gossip. She also likes to talk to other people about Twilight. For instance, the other day my wife mentioned to the weirdo-in-law that the actor who played Edward will be nude in his next movie. Hello, I do nude scenes too. Off course, that was before the baby was born.
I like Twilight too (both the book and movie), but I think John Ajvide Lindqvist’s Let The Right One In is a better film (I have not read the book yet). Lindqvist’s vampire isn’t pretty and rich like Meyer’s and Ann Rice’s vampires, but Lindqvist’s vampire is more interesting and realistic. Let The Right One In didn’t have a feel good Hollywood ending like Twilight. It’s also a foreign language film so you have to watch the dubbed version or read subtitles. But after the movie was over, I found myself vested in the two main characters. Don’t get me wrong. If I was a vampire, I would like to be handsome and wealthy like Edward. But if vampires really did exist, I think my life as a vampire would be more like the one described in Let The Right One In.
Back to my teenaged, Twilight-obsessed wife. With my kids, I can expect six to seven teenage years from each of them. But I have no idea how long my wife will remain a teenager. Wait, there’s more. My wife has also infected the Little Princess. Now my eight year old is also into Twilight. Even my three year old daughter likes to talk about Edward and Bella. Someone help me please. There’s too much estrogen in the air.