The Secret to Running a Jog-a-thon

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I went to see my son run at the school’s jog-a-thon earlier this month. I was expecting him to wow me. After all, he inherited my athletic genes. Yes, the very same genes that enabled me to win twenty gold medals in Bizarro World. Take that Michael Phelps and your measly eight gold medals.

My son wowed me alright……by stumbling out of the gate. Seriously, he literally stumbled left and right during the first lap. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to wipe out the other kids or if he drank too much beer for lunch. I was actually amazed he could run an entire lap stumbling like a one-legged gingerbread man in heat and not fall face first into the grass.

By the end of the first lap, my wife’s son was in last place. It wasn’t even close. Luckily for him (unlucky if you ask him), it was a 20-minute jog-a-thon. After a few laps, the other kids ran out of gas and Spiderboy eventually passed them. By the end of the jog-a-thon, my son ran more laps than most of the other kindergarten kids. How about that. My son is a tortoise in a school full of hares.

Here are some running tips from my son:

Unbutton your shirt to increase drag and make you run funny
running with an unbuttoned shirt

Develop scrawny running legs
my five year old son running in a jog-a-thon

Wear shoes that fall off frequently
shoe falls off while running

Constantly look behind you when you run
looking behind while running

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18 thoughts on “The Secret to Running a Jog-a-thon

  1. At least he made it for the whole twenty minutes! I love how he changed parents during the story. My kids do that too! Obviously they get the good stuff from me and the annoying things from my husband!

    Read peepnroosmom´s recent blog post..Spring Break.

  2. You crack me up. You’re such a good writer and Good tips btw. I don’t run unless chased, but you never know…these might come in handy one day!!! ;)

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