Today was the deadline for filing our taxes and contributing to the AIG executive bonus fund. I hope everyone got their taxes done on time. Because it’s tax day, I thought I’ll share a recent phone call to the IRS.
Me: I got a letter stating I over paid my taxes.
IRS: Which form?
IRS: The name of your company and tax ID?
Me: Blah, blah, blah.
IRS: One moment please while I look up your record. [music] OK, according to our records, you had a tax balance of zero and you made a payment of $xxx,xxx,xxx.
Me: I did make a payment of $xxx,xxx,xxx, but that’s because I had a tax amount due of $xxx,xxx,xxx. It’s on line 34 of the form I completed.
IRS: Hmmm. For some reason, our computer show an amount due of zero for line 34. Let me check with someone. Please hold. [music again] OK, they made an error and entered zero due instead of $xxx,xxx,xxx. I will put a hold on your credit and send you a letter.
Me: OK. That’s it right? I don’t need to do anything else.
IRS: No. You need to send my letter to the IRS and explain the problem.
Me: I thought I am talking to the IRS.
IRS: You are, but you need to send the letter to a different department.
Me: So you’re going to send me a letter. Then I’m suppose to send the letter back to the IRS?
Me: Who’s on first.
Me: What’s on second. Who’s on first.
IRS: I don’t understand. You’re confusing me.
Me: Really? Now, you know how I feel.
I should have just kept the refund and bought a small island in the tropics. But I was afraid the IRS might audit and castrate me, and then banish me to a planet full of stinky diapers.