The wife and kids have been gone all week. They’re visiting the weirdo-in-law in Seattle. The kids like going up there because the weirdo-in-law loves to spoil them. Last time, she bought them each a pony and a goose that can lay golden eggs. My wife got a Ferrari and I got a bag full of doggie doo-doo.
I feel conflicted about the trip. On one hand, I have the whole house to myself. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Like staying up until 3 am doing nothing important. Or eating lemon cookies for dinner. Or defeating Michael Phelps in the 100 m butterfly by 0.01 second.
On the other hand, I miss the wife and kids. With my wife gone, I have no one to annoy. And with the kids gone, I feel like I’m missing out on their lives. Any minute now, I expect my wife to call me to tell me the kids discovered an error in Einstein’s theory of relativity.
Hopefully, the kids will come home today instead of tomorrow so we can get back to snuggling: