I Have No Spine
My back went out on me Saturday morning. It was weird how it happened. I stuck my cold hands underneath my wife’s shirt and she retaliated with her own cold hands. I was dodging her attacks when I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. It went downhill from there.
The lower back is something most of us take for granted, but it plays a key role in almost every thing we do. When the lower back goes out, it’s a struggle to get out of bed, put on socks, wash your face, sit down, stand up, and walk. Lying down on your back is about the only thing you can really do without pain. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time lying on the floor. I had a lot of questions go through my head while staring at the ceiling. Maybe you can answer some of them for me.
» First, why do doctors tell you to lie on the floor when your back goes out, but they never explain how to get up without hurting your back even more.
» Why must the toilet seat be down? I’m asking because it’s really hard to reach down to lift the seat up when your back is out of service.
» What happened to global warming? It’s spring and we’re stuck in the 40’s. It even snowed several times this past week (didn’t stick in our area).
» Why does my son keep wearing his underwear backwards? Hello, boy’s underwear. There’s an obvious front.
» I watched American Idol last night. Am I the only one who thinks Brooke and Goldilocks look like they have to poop when they sing?
» Why did my wife tell her friend I hurt my back while having sex?
» Why do doctors prescribe pills for my chronic back problems but don’t investigate the cause of my recurring back problems?
» Why does our new neighbor have a pickup full of empty cardboard boxes? It’s has been sitting outside for over a month now. On windy days, the boxes end up all over the street.
» My alma mater, Oregon State University, recently hired Barack Obama’s brother-in-law (Craig Robinson) as their new basketball coach. If Obama is elected president, can Oregon State ever fire Craig Robinson?
» Why is my son asking for a baby brother? Isn’t tormenting his little sister enough?
If you found this page useful, bookmark and share it on:
28 Comments
Subscribe to Daddy Forever
Have you ever tried peeing while sitting? Maybe it won’t hurt as much.
The process of sitting down and standing up is difficult. Especially trying to stand up.
Hope your back gets better soon….I know how much that can hurt…and I agree, pee sitting down…less mess, less pain for you..trust me, it won’t hurt your masculinity one bit.
I stopped worrying about being macho when the girls started putting pink hair clips in my hair.
back pain sucks. I have chronic back pain. Of course, my doctors know exactly why I have back pain though. Mine is cured from more exercise they say. although eventually I think I’ll have to get my discs fused together. fun.
I feel your pain!
Funny you should mention fusing discs. I saw something on the news yesterday about a new procedure that is less painful and recovery time is a lot quicker too.
You may have no spine but you’re saturated with wit. *wink* I’m no where near as talented but here are my thoughts:
*the same reason they tell you to get a good night’s sleep and then prescribe medication that stimulates the body
*so the one making the seat dirty gets to touch it
*maybe there really is something to the Jack Frost storyline in The Santa Claus
*males are naturally curious and like to experiment with new uses for time-tested tools
*funny you should mention it as I think many singers share this trait
*it sounds better
*that would mean they have to do more than treat symptoms silly - no money in that
*the world may never know
*hmmmm I guess it might depend on how much brotherly love is there
*why indeed, mine always fight yet they both think they want baby siblings
Hugs,
Holly
I think kids like the concept of a baby brother/sister. But in reality, as you pointed out, that would mean another sibling to fight with. BTW, I think you’re witty too!
OWIE!!! back pain sucks so bad. I hope you’re feeling better soon.
I hope I feel better soon too!
Oh no! Been there, done that. I hope you feel better soon.
Funny about the backwards underwear thing. Roo is just starting to wear undies. He always wears them backwards because he can’t see the picture if he doesn’t. But when he does wear them backwards he gets what he calls “squeegees.” (wedgies)
Ah, maybe that’s why my son wears them backwards too. When I ask him, he just tells me “because.”
I was lifting (with 2 other nurses) a 400 pound person in bed 3 weeks ago. The upper back is also needed for bending and sitting- sitting kills. But I feel for you, the lower back is way worse.
As for your wife? Think of the single, divorced ones who have had one really bad date in 3 years. If only I could say I’d injured my back cuz I was having sex. Ha!
What? Are you saying I’m like a bad date?
Hope you are upright soon!
Keep smilin!
Me too. I have a birthday party tomorrow at a roller skate rink.
Hahahahahaha …
I think the wife tells everyone that since its a cuter story than simply because you were dodging her. Lol!
That’s her version. I have been telling people my wife attacked me and broke my back.
Sorry to hear about your back. Let’s hope you get better soon; I’m sure it’s tough to play with the kids, too!! :(
I have to hide from them. Feel back about that, but I’ll make it up to them.
I have no answers for you… stay on the floor. Baby brothers are NICE…. you are already in the right position to work on that. ONWARD
Ha-ha. Like that wouldn’t hurt right now.
oooh, sorry about you back….that’s the worse, it is amazing how debilitating it can be! My oldest wants a baby brother or sister…the youngest threatened to throw a baby out the window if we brought one home, but he’d be okay if we brought a sister over the age of 3 home…he’s quite particular…
That’s a funny son you have there. I guess you’ll have to adopt if you want more kids.
Oh crap…nothing worse then a bad back…
Hope it feels a bit better soon….
How about a puppy…LOL
Funny, you should mention that. I have been having day dreams about getting a puppy. Not sure why because I’m not a dog person.
Oh no!!! I’m sorry, I hope your back is feeling better now. I just got over tweaking my back too.
We’ve gone from two days in the 70’s to the last 2 days of cold, high winds, and snow flurries. We need warm weather and rain darn it!!!
We had another 60 degree day yesterday, but the forecast is for 50’s this week and rain.