Barack Obama was in town last Friday. Like most places Obama has been at, his rally sold out quickly. On Craigslist, people were offering basketball tickets, cash, and their spouses for Obama tickets, which were actually free to the 12,000+ people who were lucky enough to get the tickets. You would think by all the excitement Obama was generating, he was bringing sexy back instead of talking about politics.
It’s very rare for a presidential candidate to campaign in Oregon during the primaries. In fact, the last time it happened, George Washington was running for president. Candidates don’t like to campaign in Oregon for a couple reasons. First, our state is so small that we have only half a delegate to offer. The other reason is because we hold our primary very late in the year — usually the day after the presidential election in November. And we do that for a good reason. We Oregonians lack good judgement and we couldn’t live with ourselves if we screwed up the primaries for the rest of the country.
It’s true. Oregonians make bad decisions. Here are a few examples. First, there’s Tonya Harding, the Olympic ice skater. She thought she could win the gold medal by breaking Nancy Kerrigan’s leg. There’s also Monica Lewinsky. She isn’t a real Oregonian, but she did graduate from a college in the Portland area. She was obviously infected with our bad judgement disease when she gave President Clinton x-rated benefits.
Then there’s the Portland Trail Blazers, our professional basketball team. Most of you have heard of Michael Jordan, but how many of you have heard of Sam Bowie? Bowie was the player the Blazers selected instead Jordan. Jordan became a superstar while Bowie missed two seasons because he broke his leg. Bowie also missed two entire seasons in college for a similar injury. See, not bad luck. Just poor decision making by Oregonians.
Have I mentioned that Oregonians also voted for the loser in the last two presidential elections? We just can’t get anything right. Don’t trust us.