Fear of the Taxman

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IRS humorLike many people in the states, I received a letter from the IRS last week. I fear the taxman and my heart almost popped out of my chest when I got the IRS letter. Even though the words “Economic Stimulus” were printed in red, I was expecting some sorta of trick. You know, open up the letter and then see the words, “Surprise, we’re going to rip off all your fingernails, set you on fire, and then audit you.”

I have never been audited, but I fear an audit more than I fear having my kids raised by Britney Spears. I think most Americans fear being audited by the IRS too. Fear is probably one of the reasons the honor system sorta works when it comes to filing our taxes. Yeah I know, there are a lot of dishonest people out there. But if people didn’t fear the taxman, a lot more people would claim ice cream as a medical expense deduction.

Fear of the taxman also works with our kids. In our family, Mommy Forever is the taxman. She collects money from me and keeps our kids in line most of the time. If it wasn’t for the fear of mommy, our kids would cause the planet to implode and then laugh about it afterwards.

I always thought I would be the taxman in the family. You know, the Enforcer. Go ahead kid, make my day. But the kids don’t fear me. To them, I’m just a kid too. I wonder how they arrived at that silly conclusion. I’m the most mature person I know. And when my wife isn’t around, I wear the pants in the family.

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27 thoughts on “Fear of the Taxman

  1. If I feared the taxman to the extent my kids feared me I would wag my butt at him as he approached, never answer the door, ignore him at every request for information, and then weep for the neighbors to hear as he took all my possessions with him as he left.

  2. The first year I ever had to file taxes on my own, I was audited. It wasn’t a big deal. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Of course, I still completely freaked out over it. Basically, they gave everything a once over and said, “You’re all good!” That was it.

    As for our family, I think Julia is our taxman. She enforces her will more than Dave or me!

  3. My kids laugh at me when I yell at them…I suck as an enforcer…I’d go broke as an IRS agent too because I’d fall for every down on their luck story and pay the taxes myself…

  4. I always have that fear of being audited, too. When we went to have our taxes done this year, our accountant told us that she’s been doing taxes for 20 years and has only had about 8 audits that entire time. That made me feel a little better. Still, I freak out anytime we receive something from the IRS (my husband owned his own business, so we used to get things from them often).

    1. I’m use to getting stuff from the IRS for my business, but not for my personal return. I think the IRS is messing with everyone by mailing out those reminders this year.

  5. Not only do I hate the tax man but I hate my accountant as well…

    Take this years tax return….just 33 cents…
    I’m not sure what annoys me the most….the 33 cents or the 4.50 it’s gonna cost me to bank it…

  6. You know between the IRS and the rip off that we call health insurance, I’m debating on moving to another country…

    You know what’s scary? Having a woman doing taxes for not one, but many deputies and officer in the county, then one gets audited and all those people find out that she’d been committing fraud with their tax returns. Look up Colorado 9News – she just got indicted for over 50 counts of tax fraud. Luckily, my father in law does our taxes!

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