Like many people in the states, I received a letter from the IRS last week. I fear the taxman and my heart almost popped out of my chest when I got the IRS letter. Even though the words “Economic Stimulus” were printed in red, I was expecting some sorta of trick. You know, open up the letter and then see the words, “Surprise, we’re going to rip off all your fingernails, set you on fire, and then audit you.”
I have never been audited, but I fear an audit more than I fear having my kids raised by Britney Spears. I think most Americans fear being audited by the IRS too. Fear is probably one of the reasons the honor system sorta works when it comes to filing our taxes. Yeah I know, there are a lot of dishonest people out there. But if people didn’t fear the taxman, a lot more people would claim ice cream as a medical expense deduction.
Fear of the taxman also works with our kids. In our family, Mommy Forever is the taxman. She collects money from me and keeps our kids in line most of the time. If it wasn’t for the fear of mommy, our kids would cause the planet to implode and then laugh about it afterwards.
I always thought I would be the taxman in the family. You know, the Enforcer. Go ahead kid, make my day. But the kids don’t fear me. To them, I’m just a kid too. I wonder how they arrived at that silly conclusion. I’m the most mature person I know. And when my wife isn’t around, I wear the pants in the family.