one part dad blog - two parts nothing

Hi

I just wanted to de-lurk to send you some hugs and warm wishes. I know nothing can help - such a complicated situation. Your heart must hurt so much. I was moved to tears when I had initially read the story of your Mum - I felt so sad for your grandparents - what a constant pain it must have been without your Mum. The feeling of not being able to do anything - the injustice of it all. Then my heart ached for your Mum as she grew up and began to understand that she had all of these people who loved her.
Then, yup, to be ill now.

But you have loved her, and you continue to love her. The kids have seen your devotion (visiting so often) and as adults, when they understand the terrible tragedies that she has suffered, they’ll be happy that they were there sometimes. I guess it may become too much for them one day…

But hugs to you, and to Mummy forever - it really admirable that you guys visit and love in the face of all the hurt and sadness and confusion.

I would say those are all completing normal thoughts for someone whose loved one is suffering from Alzheimer’s. How could you NOT wonder if you might end up this way? So little is known about this insidious disease. As with any chronic illness, the patient is not the only one affected - the entire circle of family and friends is affected as well.

Get thee to a support group, Daddy, so that you can air out these feelings and find some comfort from those whose stories are like yours.

I’m really sorry about your mom, I don’t think there is a disease any more merciless on the planet, and probably the most devastating to families. I worry she is a danger to herself though- have you considered having her placed in a rehab or nursing facility? They have Alzhemier’s units where she can be watched more closely and be safe.

As for your own fate, thankfully there are more and more advances in treating this disease. Stay on top of it, do lots of mental exercises (Soduku, crossword puzzles)- exercise that brain. Seriously. Alzheimers is definitely a genetic disease. My hope is that if you one day do start showing sypmtoms, there will be an even better pill on the market (there are several right now) to improve memory.

I know it’s hard to see your mom as she is now & I completely agree that maybe your own kids don’t need to visit often, but I worry how YOU will feel if you don’t visit her, like will it eat away at your heart? It would and did me with my own mom (though she didn’t have dementia, but was pretty confused on and off the last several months of her life due to her severely declining physical health). Looking back, I regret SO SO SO much that I wasn’t there with her more. Because even under the illness, my mom was still there- and the soul remembers, I think. I hope anyway.

It’s a really tough situation you are in, and I cannot for a minute pretend to know how this effects you and your family. Do what you feel is best- hang in there- no matter what, she will understand, if not now, one day.

Hugs to the Daddy!

My Nanny was gone mentally due to dementia and it was terribly difficult. I can only imagine how hard this must be.

I do not have the words to convey how I hope you find support you need, help for your mom and to know that your kids will love you even if you are incapable of loving them one day. Just like you question your commitment to your mom but you are still committed to her.

HUGS from the Canuck!

Keep smilin!

Aww Ken that just breaks my heart. I’m so sorry for you and your family. Many diseases are just plain terrible but the worst is the feeling of being robbed - not just of life itself but of all the good things. I’m just so sorry!

I think the reason you keep going is the very fact that you still love your mother just as your kids love you. I can’t imagine the energy you must have to exert to feed and remember the good things of the past. But you are teaching your kids so many things and one day when they are old enough to understand the disease they’re going to remember how you kept going to visit your mother even in her condition. All I know to do is send cyber hugs and prayers for you. I hope there’s a light at the end of this dark tunnel for all of you and that it comes soon!

Hugs,
Holly

I’m so sorry, that is horrible. Maybe you can go visit on your own without the kids?

From what I understand (my husband’s grandmother had Alzheimers), it’s not inherited… they aren’t sure what causes it.

Sending (((hugs))) your way.

I am sorry to hear about your mom. My Nana had dementia. She died 8 years ago. It was very hard to see her forget things almost daily. She would remember the darndest things from her childhood, but she would forget why she was walking down the hall. She would start cooking, then forget she had the burner on and almost burned down our house. (she lived with us) Peep doesn’t remember her and I try to tell him stories about her from before the dementia. I am afraid that my mom will inherit that from her and I will end up having to take care of her and watch her forget stuff, too. I know this is hard for you. Maybe keep the kids away for a while and just tell them the stories about her from before she developed dementia. Those are the memories of her you want them to have. Sending you cyber (((hugs))).

I am so sorry you are facing this. There are no easy answers. As for you, though, keeping your mind sharp by using it, you know for really important creations like the “Silver Surfer” award may help things.

I hope that you will be able to keep the memory of who she really is, even though she is now trapped in her own mind, will help you all.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this with your mom. It’s just horrible how Alzheimer’s takes away the person we once knew right before our very eyes. I wish you and your family the best as you weather the storm of Alzheimer’s in the hopes that you can always remember the person your mother once was. Blessings!

I am so sorry. I wish I had some brilliant or comforting thoughts to share, but I don’t. I’m just so sorry.

I am sorry to hear about your Mother’s alzheimer’s. My paternal Grandmother had alzheimer’s. I do not have a single memory of her before the disease took over her life. She was younger than most when she became afflicted. It was scary for me, as a child, to visit her. She didn’t know who we were, she wet herself and stared into space. As hard as it was, I pray that she really “did” know we were there and that our visits gave her pleasure. Your children may be a bit scared of their Grandmother now but I think you are doing a great thing by continuing to visit her. If nothing else, your children will learn empathy and compassion. I don’t remember being traumatized by my Grandmother’s illness and am glad I got to know her a little before we lost her.
Best wishes to you, your Mother and your family. I love your blog!

Tammy in Illinois

Sad about your Mum… as for yourself… it’s in the lap of the gods so to speak… why worry about what you have no control over right now? Life is for living NOW…. so go cuddle your kids and be thankful you are fine right NOW…. let tomorrow take care of itself mate.

Hugs to you Daddy! My hubby’s grandfather had Alzheimers, but instead of getting violent it calmed him down (he was an alcoholic). Online information and some sort of support group could be really helpful. I wish I could help you more.

Hi! Browsing your blog. Lots of good posts. My Nana had dementia. And her mom. I know a little about what it does to families, but since we’re more Scottish/Welsh descent, it’s not something to be discussed (or perhaps whispered about rarely).

I hope you’ve come to a resolution by now about what to do or not to do… since this is such an old post. But wanted to check in and say hi and let ya know you’re not alone, even though you already knew that.

And, I’m imagining you’re not really a male stripper. I was a little nervous about clicking the “My Web Page” on your profile, but so far I haven’t seen anything about your um, profession LOL!