Our Very Own Wisteria Lane
There’s no Gabrielle, Bree, Lynette, or Susan in our neighborhood. As far as I know, there’s no dead bodies or big secrets either. Instead, you’ll find Muslims, Mormons, Indians, loners, and buttheads in our neighborhood. I think the people who live here are interesting and a bit mysterious. We don’t live on Wisteria Lane, but our neighbors are essentially the mysterious people that move into Wisteria Lane at the beginning of each season.
Here’s another interesting similarity. My wife and three other stay-at-home moms all had kids that went to afternoon kindergarten together (different classrooms). Over the last couple of years, the mothers got to know each other fairly well while waiting for the school bus. Now, the four of them take turns hosting lunch each month. Sounds a bit like Desperate Housewives, doesn’t it? My wife must be Gabby because Mommy Forever likes to buy expensive stuff and she sleeps with the gardener (that would be me). Back to the neighbors:
The Muslims
Can’t you just see a family of Muslims moving into Wisteria Lane? They would be perfect for the show. The Muslims have five kids — their two youngest children are the same age as our little Princess and Spiderboy. The kids play together every week and the girls are good friends. Our Muslim neighbors are fairly strict. For instance, their daughters are not allowed to date (ever). When the oldest girl asked to go to a high school dance, the mom said yes, but only if the aunt went too. Right, a teenager is going to bring her uncool aunt to a high school dance. Wait, what a great idea. I’m going to insist grandmother go with our girls on dates. And grandmother will be carrying a shotgun with her. I hope she brings her glasses.
The Mormons
Thanks to Dooce, I was expecting the Mormons to be in my face every day telling me I’m a bad a parent and a sinner too. That’s not actually the case. They are not preachy and live just like everyone else in the neighborhood (OK, they don’t do stuff like yard work on Sundays). The Mormons have three kids with another one on the way. Their three kids are about the same age as our kids and are over at our house more often than the Muslim kids. The Mormon mommy has also been giving piano lessons to our little Princess for free. Free is a very good price, but I wouldn’t be surprise if the little Princess becomes the first Asian Mormon in our neighborhood.
The Indians
Nowadays, you don’t really hear about arranged marriages anymore, but that’s actually how our Indian neighbors got married (another interesting idea for Desperate Housewives). The Indian dad studied at Ohio State University and is a big time Buckeye fan. He’s the only guy in the neighborhood I know who is a big college football fan — and he’s from India! The Indians have two kids. Their youngest is about three months younger than our little Princess, but she’s a grade behind because she missed the cutoff date by a couple of weeks. Their daughter is enrolled in Chinese school with our daughter. Perfect. An Indian girl who can speak Chinese, but not Hindi.
The Loner
The Loner is single, has never been married, and has no kids. I’ve only talked to the Loner a few times, but he seems like a normal guy. Then again, he rarely has visitors and works from home most of the time. Once I had to go in his backyard to retrieve a ball and his yard kinda spooked me. The Loner doesn’t do yard work and his backyard is like a jungle full of giant weeds. His weeds are taller than I am. As far as I know, the Loner could have a body buried in his back yard. Who can tell with that jungle back there? Just perfect for Wisteria Lane.
The Butthead
The Butthead has only one kid — a boy the same age as our little Princess. Her son is wild and when he’s with the Mormon boy, they become even wilder. I’m hoping my son spends more time with them so he can be even wilder too. You can never be too wild. The Butthead claims to be married, but I have never met the Butthead’s husband in the three years they have lived in the neighborhood. According to the other moms, there’s something wrong with this woman. I have a lot to say about the Butthead (including why I refer to her as the Butthead), but I’m going to put that in another post. Stay tune for the origin of the Butthead!
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Oh I just giggled all the way through! What a funny post. I’ve never seen the show but I knew exactly what you were describing. I’m one of those mormon moms and I met a lot of great moms last year waiting for kids after school too. Ironically one of the moms I really struck up a frienship with is a muslim so your post is more universal than you know!! LOL
Hugs,
Holly
If only the rest of the world could work this way. Would we still have wars?
Hey. We have a whole butthead family living down the street from me. A butthead mom and dad and two butthead kids. They drink, cuss, steal from the neighbors, vandalize. The Butthead parents think their kids are just perfect. Perfect buttheads if you ask me.
OK, our butthead isn’t that bad. Otherwise, I would call her by another B name.
I gave up on Desperate Housewives in the middle of the second season, but if you keep writing posts like this, it will be like I never stopped!
Last season, we watched Cold Case (in the same time slot) and caught Desperate on reruns.
I’ve never watched Desperate Housewives, but this post is cracking me up. Can’t wait to learn the origin of The Butthead.
My wife got me hooked.
I just found your blog through another one. Very entertaining! Thanks for the chuckles!
Welcome to Daddy Forever! Thanks for stopping by.
This is hysterical. I might have to copy you one day. I love to talk about my neighbors, the crazy bastards. =)
That should be an interest read — especially with your neighborhood association.
Too funny! I may have to do this on my blog. I’ve got a lot of weirdos in my neighborhood.
You wouldn’t happen to be one of those weirdos?
I’m laughing all the way down to the end of the post. LOL.
Oh yeah, and it’s funny how you liken your wife to Gabby. Good thing, you’re the gardener, LOL!
Hopefully, the only gardener.
heehee, the butthead, I LOVE IT! I can’t wait to read more about Hysteria- er, I mean Wisteria Lane ;)
Oh yeah, I guess I should write that post tonight while I still have time.
hmmm .. sounds like we are missing all the excitement! Maybe we’ll have to move?! Our family would add one more dimension to your neighborhood! :)
Are you telling me there’s something weird about your family?
Define “weird”, please! .. lol
LOL I don’t even really know any of my neighbors, but we have the “Crazy Yard People” (They are everyday adding new plants), the “Creepy Yard Guy” (he’s a single guy, always out in his yard mucking around, but when you drive by, he creepily watches you drive by) and “The Fat, Lazy Yard Guy” who sits in his lawn on a chair, watering his lawn. LOL
Lol this is amazingly funny while entertaining and educational! I would like to know more bout the butheads though k thanks!
signed,
The1