Sleepovers
The dreaded day has finally arrived. Actually, it arrived last month…the little princess was invited to her first sleepover. It was actually a birthday party and sleepover. I’m not too fond of sleepovers. The thought of my little girl sleeping without mommy and daddy around scares me. It scares me enough to plant hidden cameras all over their house and monitor the sleepover from my car parked in their living room. I would bring a shot gun, except there’s a 99.99% chance I will accidentally shoot myself in the rear again. Seriously, how’s an over-protected dad suppose to sleep when his six-year old daughter is sleeping in somebody else’s house?
Sleepover is one of the things my wife and I disagree on. Actually, it’s the only thing we have ever disagreed on because we are the perfect married couple…OK, normally I know better than to disagree. As you can guess, I’m against sleepovers for my kids. On the other hand, my wife thinks sleepovers are part of growing up.
Obviously, I can’t protect my kids from everything and I don’t want to be one of those over-bearing dads that won’t let their kids do anything. Being a parent is finding the right balance between safety and letting kids be kids. But where’s the balance on this?
In this case, my wife agreed with me. We said yes to the birthday party, but no to the sleepover. Our decision wasn’t difficult. Our daughter and the birthday girl have never been on a playdate before and we didn’t even know the girl’s parents. Until the party, we have never talked or seen them before. They made it even easier by inviting a bunch of adults and serving beer at the sleepover. By the time we left, the kids were so wasted it was easy to brainwash them into voting for Sanjaya on American Idol.
Even though our daughter was sad when it was time to leave, she didn’t object because she didn’t want to spend the night at her friend’s house. She said she would be too scared. But at some point in her life, she will want to sleep over at her friend’s house. What am I going to do then?
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My personal opinion is that six years old is too young for a sleepover, but that’s the overprotective mom in me. I didn’t let my daughter attend her first sleepover until she was nine, and then only because the girl is her best friend, they’ve known each other since they were three, and her mom is a good friend of mine. They even attend the same church as we do, so we know that family very well.
I also think sleepovers are a “rite of passage” for childhood, as far as being overprotective, you have the right to dictate who and when. Go with your gut, and I’ll bet your kids will feel the same way. They tend to take their cues from their parents on stuff like this (at least, when they’re young!).
Well, I feel your pain. My daughter wanted a sleepover party so bad for her 9th birthday. I talked her into a PJ party instead. It’s one of those things where safe is so much better than sorry. A hard fast rule for us is the level at which we do or don’t know the other child and their family. I think you did the right thing!
Hugs,
Holly
I think I’ll be very overprotective. Unless I know the parents REALLY well (like, they are my brothers or something), I’d feel really fishy letting my kids sleep over till they are older.
Luckily, I still have a few years to figure how I really feel about it.
…Again? When was the last time you shot yourself in the rear?
And I don’t believe parenting is all about finding balance, etc. Parenting is about eating your words. All those all-knowing words you said before you had kids. Actually, my six year old has been on several sleepovers, all with his best friend at school. They’d had tons of playdates before, and we knew their parents well, so it was easy.
Sanjaya rocks!
I’d say do the sleepover when you and the Princess are ready.
Sleepovers can be scary, but at all the sleepovers I’ve ever been to, there was hardly any sleeping. We were all so worked up on the sugar from cake and watching scary movies (Ernest Scared Stupid! The Scariest Movie EVER).
But my dad/guardian ALWAYS, ALWAYS talked to the parents in person or on the phone and asked me in detail what we did at the party.
I knew lots of parents who would find a way to be involved in the sleepover (shuttling the kids to and/or from a movie, taking the kids to rent a movie, being one of the drivers to the pizza place, ect.) So that they had an idea of what was going to be on in the night…
And again..trust your gut. If the parents seem like the type to let the kids play with matches and lighter fluid, I’d say pass.
There will be no sleepovers for my kids. It’s a family rule. Not because i am an overprotective parent, or totally boring, it’s because we live in a very dangerous world and it’s my job to keep them safe until adulthood, so they can have all the sleepovers they want when they are 18! You just never can be too safe when it’s your child.
A part of me forbids my kids from having sleepovers until they are married. Clearly a case of “do as I say, not do as I do.”
I think 6 is probably too young or a group sleepover, but maybe have her try it with ONE friend. I do agree though, alcohol and a sleepover don’t mix.
Six is pretty young for a sleepover. You are the parent and what you and your wife say goes.
They served BEER at a childs birthday party? To the parents? Were the parents sleeping over, too?
This was the first time my wife has been to a kid’s birthday party where they served beer (I was at home tucking in my son). I thought it was a really weird they would do this at a sleepover.
Six seems very young for a sleepover! I remember my first sleepover. I was 10 at least and called my mom to pick me up at the lovely hour of 2 a.m.
I say good call!
I really, really, do not want to think about this…I just want to stay in toddler land and have to worry about tantrums…I mean at least those are IN HOUSE, man…time needs to slow down…
- Jon
- Daddy Detective
- http://www.daddydetective.com
you voted for Sanjaya?!??! Argh …. hehe …
Well, I think that 6 is too young to sleepover someone’s place … then again in my country sleepover is not that popular at all …
I didn’t vote for him. I just think it’s funny how so many people want him off, but he’s still there week after week.
6 is a bit early for sleepovers and beer. It should be wine!
Keep smilin!
Oh, buddy… we are in the same boat. Actually, we invited Anna’s best friend over here ( because I have the same issues as you… I’m a mom who was sexually abused as a kid. i don’t trust anyone), and her mom said that they don’t do sleep overs yet, not until her girls are in middle school.
I think this is a great idea. By then Anna should hopefully be a strong willed preteen who knows what is acceptable. I have already started teaching her that strangers are not the only ones who hurt kids, and to be aware to not let anyone touch her anywhere, including preteens and teens.
My husband thinks I am neurotic at times, but I want them to be safe. I would rather lean towards neurotic then to be too laid back, only to have my kids suffer for it. I would hate to have to live with the guilt that i could have prevented something horrible, and that I am partially to blame for my kids being damaged.
As far as the party… adults? alcohol? Are freaking kidding me? Thats bunk, very unsafe.
there is nuthing to say what ya can do on sleepovers god people these dayz yhew need to put more things on here i wanted to now what i could do on ma sleepover but yhew didnt do nuffin about it did ya god sake beter go bye
If I won’t let my twin girls sleep over at anyone’s home because I know that I am over protective about there fathers, brothers, friends… in the home. Do I let them have sleepovers at our house or should the rule be just no.
That’s a tricky one. I have no problem with sleepovers at our house, but then it’ll look bad if we say ok for our house, but not anywhere else.
U were so right if you didn’t know the parent and thoughs parents sound very irisponsible if the used there kids bday as a reason to drink but the is going to come when a girl just want to be with her friends all the time. Just let her have her friends at the house then u both win. Also if your to stricked on her she is going to rebel it happen to most of my friends and now they are 13 and sluts.Nice girls but sluts.
Hello All, Thanks for all of your posts, I’ve really enjoyed your perspectives. Please excuse the length of this. I tried to shorten it but it really lost it’s intensity; please bear with me. I’m currently going through a major sleepover dilemma in my house: I’m a single mother of a boy aged 10 and a girl aged 12. My kids started spending the night at their friend’s houses at the age of six. Something I really wasn’t comfortable with but aquiesced for fear of being thought of as the odd parent (or worse having my kids feel like the weird one amongst thier peers). Just recently I decided to get strong and do what I felt comfortable with regardless of what others think! After all, isn’t that what I hope to raise my children to do in life? Please know that I respect every parent’s decision about sleepovers and I don’t think that anybody is a bad parent just because they allow them! Here’s the sticking point: I don’t allow them anymore but their father does. The kids now hate me and they are told by their father and his family that I’m paranoid (by the way, dad never really says ‘no’ to anything).
My only recourse? I did not bad-mouth my children’s father to them. I simply stated that sometimes mom and dad have different rules and if you’re with dad during the sleepover, he will probably tell you that you can go. On the other hand, with me, I won’t allow them, period. My ex-husband and his family love to overule my decisions which makes me look like the bad guy. Here’s a few things that have shaped my decision to cease sleepovers all together.
1) Recently, I (stupidly) allowed both my son and daughter to have friends spend the night. My daughter and her girlfriend slept upstairs, my son and his friend slept downstairs. After I fell asleep, my son and his friend snuck up to the girl’s room with a mini flashlight. Both girls were asleep when they decided to peer down the friend’s pajama top! The child woke up, terrified, but just told the boys to go away. They did. She later said she was too afraid to wake either me or my daughter up. The next morning, she told my daughter, and my daughter told me. I went NUTS! Completely mortified.. I called my ex over, he yelled at our son, but sort of minimized it (“kids will be kids theory”). I went to the girl’s house, told her mother (boy that was fun) and the four of us (the child, her mother, my daughter, and I) talked about what had happened. Needless to say, my son was punished and he apologized to the girl.
Luckily everything worked out.
2)My son had a friend spend the night a few months ago and at 2:00 in the morning, my son wakes me up because his friend was having a severe asthma attack. I was so afraid but managed to calm him down and take his inhaler while I called his mom. Being the only adult in the house, it’s a lot of responsibility for me to take on.
3) Two of my friends were molested at sleepovers when they were younger, both by older siblings.
Thanks for listening and good luck to all of you!
Awww man that is scaring me. My baby is 7, i dont think i will ever allow sleep overs only with family