Another weekend, another trip to the hospital. Actually it was to urgent care, so it’s not going to cost us an arm and leg this time…just a big toe, both middle fingers, and the left ear. Needless to say, I’m not going to make up a name for my wife’s problem this time and get in trouble again. And don’t worry, I’m not going to whine again (well, maybe a little bit) so let’s move along to lessons learned.
Girls are party animals
We got home around 1:30 am and found all the boys asleep. Spiderboy was asleep in the playroom and the sitter and his teenager nephew were asleep in the family room. The little princess and the sitter’s 10-year old niece were still awake, playing, and laughing.
Don’t fall asleep with Princess M around
It appears the little princess has a sense humor. After Spiderboy fell asleep, she gave him a mustache and beard. I wonder where she gets her sense of humor from? Way to go Princess M! I think I’m going to cry.
We never learn
Since we were going to urgent care, we figure we would only be gone a few hours. So we decided to take the toddler with us. Wrong! The ordeal took seven and a half hours. You would think we learned from our experience from last year. Medical problems are never just a few hours for us. This weekend, I also learned a cranky, tired toddler can cry at 8,937 decibels for hours (note: until now, 194 dB was believed to be loudest sound possible). Even after I walked 2,854.3 miles from the lobby, people were still peeking to see and hear the demon child scream satanic curses at me.
For what the voodoo doctors charged us the last two times we were in, I thought I might as well bring home a souvenir. That’s right, I stole a pair of purple gloves. The purple gloves totally make up for the $15,000 bill the hospital sent us. I was going to put them back, but I figure the next patient wouldn’t appreciate being examined with the same gloves I used to change the toddler’s diaper.
Coolest dad on the block
I plan on wearing my purple gloves in public. I know, most people — especially my wife — will think there’s something wrong with me. But for the demographics I’m targeting, I’ll be known as the cool dad with purple hands. Live long and prosper.