Doctor: We need to make a small incision to drain the fluid.
My Brain: They got a new power drill at Home Depot and they’ll going to use the biggest drill bit they can find to drill a hole in our baby’s head.
Doctor: I need to inform you that there is a small risk of infection or hitting a nerve.
My Brain: What the heck? The infected area might get infected? And what do you mean by a small chance of hitting a nerve? Like the possibility of rain in the Pacific Northwest or snow in the mountains?
Me: What happens if you hit a nerve?
Doctor: The muscles on the right side of her face will become weak.
My Brain: The right side of her face will be paralyzed for this life and the afterlife.
Me: There’s someone trying to getting in.
Doctor: Oh, that’s the surgeon.
My Brain: Why is the surgeon locked out of the surgery area? Shouldn’t she have access to the surgery area? Did they just grab this person off of the streets to perform surgery on our baby?
Doctor: This is a common procedure. We do it once a week.
My Brain: Common right. That’s why our HMO told us to go to emergency at a non-HMO hospital instead of to our HMO’s urgent care facilities. Then after eight hours of tests, observations, MRI, and torture we get transferred to another hospital. A hospital well known for performing leading-edge surgeries, such as Lance Armstrong’s. It may be common, but we’re scared out of our minds.
You be the judge. If it’s only a small incision, why is the bandage so big?
Notes: Toddler K is recovering, but the doctors have her on an IV because she won’t drink anything. The surgeon didn’t have access to the surgery area because she was on-call and didn’t have her badge with her. And the bandage is big because
they wanted to scare the crap out of me the fluid is still draining.