Why Guys Have Nipples

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A while back I read a post asking about why men have nipples. I don’t remember what was said other than nipples seem to be useless on men. While it is true that we can’t produce milk from our nipples, they are far from useless. I can think of two examples.

Example One
Before I met my wife, I use to work out six times a week. I had pecs and they were hard. Not big like the pecs on people who enter bodybuilding contests, but not flat either. Now that I am married and have three young kids, I no longer work out and my six-pack abs has become six-Krispy Creme abs. I no longer have pecs. Now my chest is flat and is no longer hard. My son likes to call them boobies. They don’t look like boobies, but to a kid, nipples mean boobies — even if they are on a man instead of a woman. Kids don’t understand the difference.

My son likes to play with my nipples when I tuck him. Sometimes he even sticks his hands underneath my shirt in public and plays with them. And to make sure everyone knows what he is doing, he sometimes pinches them really hard and makes me scream really loud. It’s quite fun having a bunch of strangers stare at you while your kid plays with your nipples. Even better when you’re a dad. Odd thing is, my son doesn’t do this to my wife. To my son, daddy’s nipples are something he can play with.

Example Two
The other night, my son, Spiderboy, was playing with a doll when I was tucking him in. He said the doll was his baby and then he started talking to her:

Spiderboy: “Hi Baby Z.”
Baby Doll: “Waaa. Waaaaaaaa.”
Spiderboy: “Do you want milk?”
Baby Doll: “Yes.”
Spiderboy: “OK baby.”

Spiderboy then pulls up his shirt and places the doll’s mouth next his nipple. He was feeding his baby and his nipples served a purpose.

To a kid, nipples are nipples. They are not useless. It doesn’t matter if they are on a man, woman, or a kid.

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