I’m too Damn Sexy

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When I was laid-off, I took Princess M to the park every day. There were a lot of moms at the park, but I was usually the only dad there. Occasionally, one of the moms would say hi to me or say something nice about Princess M (“you’re daughter must be really smart because her head is huge”). Most moms kept their distance.

Perhaps it was my imagination, but it seemed like the moms were talking about me. I look their way and the moms would turn their attention to something else, like a dog licking itself. I come closer, the conversation changes to: “Einstein’s theory of relativity helped me bake better cakes.”

Was there something wrong with me? Did I stink? I’m not really sure why I was treated differently, but I do have several theories about it: (1) I was a sicko, (2) I was a loser, (3) I was an introvert, (4) moms belong to a secret society, and (5) I was too damn sexy.

When my daughter was playing at the park, I often sat alone on a bench. You get the picture. A man by himself, surrounded by kids and women. I was obviously at the park to either abduct a child or to pickup a chick. Why else would I be there by myself? On the other hand, a woman sitting by herself at the park would be considered a good mom. No sicko label attached to her. Doesn’t sound fair to me.

Let’s face it, as a man, I was suppose to be at work during the day. Otherwise, my wife wouldn’t be able to buy the five billion legally required matching outfits for our one-year old daughter. What’s wrong with spending time with my daughter? Money isn’t everything.

I’m not a warm person and I don’t go out of my way to introduce myself. I’m Mr. Spock, not Captain Kirk. Being an introvert and a stay at home dad doesn’t help the situation, but I am who I am. So, what about moms who are extroverts? Shouldn’t they have introduced themselves to me? I don’t remember a single mom that ever came up to me and said, “Hello, I’m Lizzy Borden and the girl over there with the knives is my daughter, Carrie.”

Secret Society
I can’t prove this, but I think moms belong to a secret society. Members of this secret society go the park to share important parenting tips with each other. Hey, dads are parents too and they need all the tips they can get. I could’ve use the tip about not letting your child eat m&m’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Things will turn out badly if you do.

Too Sexy
I’m a short Asian man with a big head and a scrawny body. In Hong Kong, I would look just like everyone else. In America, I’m probably considered exotic. This theory actually makes the most sense. The stares and whispers at the park. I was just too damn sexy. Moms were in awe of me. That’s why they didn’t talk to me. It wasn’t because of a secret society or because I was a sicko-loser-introvert. I was just too damn sexy.


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